


Love and War

by Iblametumblrformyproblems



Category: British Actor RPF
Genre: Angst, Arranged Marriage, Eventual Smut, F/M, Forbidden Love, Love Triangle, Slavery, Slow Burn, Some Loki mentions, Southern Belle, Spies, pre-Civil War, underground railroad
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-02
Updated: 2017-01-06
Packaged: 2018-09-03 17:06:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 35,985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8721805
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Iblametumblrformyproblems/pseuds/Iblametumblrformyproblems
Summary: Reader is a southern belle in the beautiful town of Charleston, South Carolina, a few years before Civil War breaks out. You are told that you are being forced to marry a man you've never met, despite being truly in love with a forbidden man. You finally meet your betrothed, a wealthy business man from England by the name of Thomas William Hiddleston, and find yourself falling for his charming nature, his respect of your opinions, and his strong stances against slavery. Will you allow yourself to be swayed over or will you run away into the unknown terrifying future awaiting you with your lover, Jackson?





	1. Bought and Sold

“Engaged?!!” You shriek unpleasantly at your unsuspecting father. You watch carelessly as his eye brows meet his thinning hair line. “You can’t just expect me to marry someone I’ve never met!! And you didn’t even ask me! ME!!! The one person this is going to affect more than anyone else!”

Not that anyone cared about your feelings or opinions. As the only child of a wealthy man, it was your duty to find a suitable husband.

In a world run by men, your only worth was in a match that would be beneficial to your father, to “repay” him for taking care of you as if you were some kind of burden. All of this was common place in high society, but you really didn’t care.

You mattered, had skills and opinions that could help people, or do some good, but because you wore a dress and different hidden parts, you weren’t allowed to voice them.

And nothing made you angrier.

“(Y/N), calm down!!” You r father commanded. “You would do well to remember your place. You have no need to get hysterical and behave childishly”, he reprimanded.

Anger flushed through your body once again, but you buried it. Yelling would not fix this mess.

After a second of heated silence, he continued. “Daughter, I would not give you off to a man I didn’t think to be a gentleman. Mr. Hiddleston came to the states from northern England about a year ago and brought with him a prospering business that will allow South Carolina to keep our cotton in state instead of sending it to New England. This marriage between the two of you will help make a great deal of money”.

He paused for a moment. There was so much he wasn’t telling you, thinking as most men do that such information would be useless to tell you. Something inside of you itched to know how it all worked, but you couldn’t ask. You spent all of your life having those questions ignored or vaguely glossed over.

“I know you are afraid”, your father began, softer this time. “but there is no reason to be. If the money he gave for your dowry is any sign of his money, you will be well taken care of”.

You sat back, stung. So you have been bought like the slaves that worked all around you. Had you really become nothing more than a piece of property, just like those who were forced to work under the hot summer sun for their entire lives?

Without another word, you stormed out of your father’s office. You would probably have to deal with many a lecture for leaving without being dismissed, but you didn’t care anymore.

 

You were no one’s slave.

 

The sweet spring air hit your face with hints of lilac blossoms and grass. Here in your garden, hidden in an alcove by a willow tree, you felt free. The worries and issues of the day just melted away. You didn’t have to focus on the guilt that shuddered through your heart with the thoughts of t he other human beings being treated like property, or the thoughts of your future, or even of your country’s future. There was unrest in the states. You didn’t know nearly as much as you would like, but the anger in your father’s voice every time he ranted about the injustice being paid upon the southern states was enough to let you know there was most certainly a problem.

You would change everything if you had the chance. There would be no slavery, no injustice, but you had never felt more useless in your life.

The sound of a twig snapping softly near you broke you out of your reverie. In a flash, you spun around to face the intrusion on your solitude.

“Penny for your thoughts, angel?” Jackson asked with a smile, his handsome features teasing you silently. You felt your face flush at his nickname. Since you both were children, he always called you angel. When you asked him about it, he explained that on the first day he ever saw you, he was sure that you were an angel sent from heaven.

Without a word, you flung yourself into his arms. The warmth of his well muscled body somehow seemed to melt the ice that had grown from your heart into every recess of your body. Unbidden tears rushed to your eyes as you held onto him like a drowning man clings to his savior.

“Whoa, (Y/N)”, he exclaimed softly, surprised at your sudden attack. “What’s wrong? Has something happened?”

You just clung to him tighter. His rough work clothes scraped against your skin roughly, reminding you of his course hands. If only your love wasn’t forbidden. If only he wouldn’t be shot for being seen with you.

He pulled you away to look into your eyes. His dark skin glistened softly after a long day’s work in the stables. The eyes that met yours were beautifully dark and it always made you feel like you were drowning in them.

“Run away with me Jackson”, you whisper softly between your tears.

He looked taken back, shocked at your request. A curious look flickered through his face as if trying to gauge what had brought this on.

“Of course, angel”. He paused for a moment, smiling indulgently. “And where shall we go?”

You hadn’t really thought through the details, but an answer came quickly to your mind. “North, perhaps”. There were stories of couples like the both of you being accepted there. “I could find us a boat; say you are my personal servant. They won’t suspect a thing and then we can find a place to settle down and just be free”. You knew you were rambling, but it was something to cling to even if it was impossible.

Jackson shook his head softly. Then with a smile and a light kiss on your forehead, he just held you.

“We weren’t meant for this world, angel. No one will accept us if we were even to find a way out. And there is no promise that I won’t be captured and sold again, leaving you all alone. Now, I could n ever do that to you”.

He brought a hand up to wipe your tears away. You kissed the palm, tasting your salt tears there.

It all seemed so hopeless. A southern belle and a slave were never allowed to have a future together. Maybe if you had been born to a poor family, you would be able to leave. But your family would always search for you. You were meant to be a princess, a prize to be won, and they weren’t about to let you disappear.

When you had stopped crying so uncontrollably, Jackson asked again, “Please tell me what happened to bring this on. Maybe I can help”.

You turned away from him, breaking away from the warmth of his arms. The cold spread through you once again and your arms went around you, hoping the frozen feeling would diminish. “I’m to be married”, you whisper with a level of finality.

Silence met your admission. You didn’t dare look at him in fear of breaking all over again.

“I… I have no choice”, you continue after a moment. “My father would not listen to reason. Never mind I’ve never met this man. I was… I was bought”. Those words were nearly choked out. He of all people knew that feeling. When he described it in the past, you could barely imagine, but now it overwhelmed you.

A rough hand met your shoulder, black skin on porcelain. As you glanced at it, you had never felt a more desperate wish that your skin could be the same. You never minded the difference, but the world did and that broke your heart.

In a rash moment, you turned to face him once again and brought your lips up to meet his. There was something desperate in your kiss, but you had never felt more alone in your life. Pretty soon, you felt him kissing you back, his full lips taking your gently. There was so much that was unspoken in your movements, but you both could feel what the other was trying to say. You clung to him tighter as his tongue sought entrance into your mouth. You opened your lips without a second thought and the soft dance between your tongues began.It made the whole world melt away and for a moment it was just the two of you.

But it wasn't meant to last.The bell for dinner rang throughout the fields and you knew you had to join your family or they would send out people to search for you.

The kiss ended abruptly as you forced yourself to walk away from the only happiness you had ever known and into the cruel world that would have you leave the one man you loved more than anything.  
Had you looked back, the image of Jackson frozen in his place, tears running down his face would have been burned in your mind forever.

When you had reached the porch, an elegant white surrounded by creeping ivy that had chosen to cling to the walls, somehow making it more beautiful to you, you took a moment to gather yourself. It would not do to be seen with dirt on your skirt or pieces of your hair falling from your perfect bun. After putting everything back in place, you entered the large open doors.

Laughter met your ears as you reached the dining room. There was a new voice mingled in with the soft tinkling laugh of your mother and the rough guffaw your father usually let out. It was softer and somehow deeper.

Curiosity overwhelmed you as you entered the room, only to find that you had a guest for dinner. A man, young and tall, was sitting next to your father. He had dirty blond hair that curled elegantly around his face, despite one errant curl that kept falling in the middle of his high forehead. He had the bluest eyes and a toothy smile. He was quite handsome, you noted emotionless.

In that moment, your father and the stranger noticed your entrance and both stood. The moment the man's eyes had set upon you, they seemed to burn with something. They had gone from something nonchalant to something you couldn't quite read.

"(Y'N), our guest tonight is someone I would like you to me et officially". Your father's voice broke the silence, but you couldn't quite look away from the strange man. His gaze was somewhat hypnotic."This, my dear, is your betrothed, Thomas William Hiddleston".

 


	2. A Churning Storm Inside

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! I'm not sure if anyone has read the original version of this before I deleted it, but if you haven't, I would love any feedback, from criticisms to comments! 
> 
> Please and Thank You!

You were pretty sure you hated him. Hated his amazing hair, the way his eyes seemed to bore through you, how incredibly tall he was, and certainly hated the way his suit molded to his body in such an annoying way.

You curtseyed as a greeting and went to take your customary seat next to your mother, only to find that you were set next to the man you hated so much.

You hated the way he pulled your chair out for you, the way you could feel his eyes on you, the way he spoke a gentle hello before striking up a conversation with your father.

Somehow, you succeeded at ignoring him throughout most of the meal. The conversation was mainly focused on business matters or Mr. Hiddleston regaling your parents with some stories from his youth in England. You tried ignore the way his voice sent shivers up your back, the way his elegantly long fingers moved when he spoke, but you consistently failed.

Dinner just seemed to drag on, every minute spent next to him a life time. Many times you could feel his gaze rest upon you, but you were determined to keep your eyes firmly away from his brilliantly blue ones. Thinking about Jackson helped. How much you loved Jackson’s voice, his eyes, his kind face, his dark skin, his height. You kept your mind busy simply listing the many things you loved about your beloved. It only succeeded on making you hate Mr. Hiddleston more.

When dinner had finished, your father suggested that everyone take a stroll through the gardens, taking time to appreciate the cool evening air. You would have protested if you could, but you knew for sure that it would only be met with a glare and possibly a lecture about remembering your place.

Your parents had easily moved ahead a few paces when he finally spoke to you.

“May I ask you a question?” His smooth, baritone voice finally asked, breaking through the silence that had enveloped the two of you. You say nothing, but nod just slightly to give him permission.

“Have I done something to anger you?” In your shock, you nearly turn to look at him. You had plenty of reasons to be angry with him. The fact that he couldn’t at least think of one perturbed you. “Please answer me. I would not wish to cause you any offense”. He paused before pleading once again. “Please tell me so that I might fix my mistake”.

Finally, you couldn’t bare it any longer. The way his gentle, British accent grated at something inside of you, the way he pretended to care, all of it.

“Tell me, Mr. Hiddleston”, you begin, speaking just quietly enough to not draw the attention of your parents. You turn to him, ignoring those pleading eyes and focusing on getting out what was boiling inside of you. “Have you ever known a woman to be happy at finding herself suddenly betrothed to a man she has never even met? Have you ever met a woman who would be happy to lose all choic e in who she will spend her life with? Because I have yet to meet such a woman and I am certainly not her”.

He looked as if he had been slapped. Perhaps he wasn’t expecting to be spoken to so brazenly, but you didn’t really care. You turned back to the walk way and began walking once again, only to be stopped by one of those large, warm hands wrapping around your arm gently and turning you back towards him.

“I.. I hadn’t…” He stuttered out, looking sincerely confused. “Please forgive me, Madame, I wasn’t aware of your situation”. There was a flash of anger as he glanced back at the retreating figure of your father. “When your father and I spoke of the engagement, he told me that you had been in agreement. I cannot believe that he would simply force you into something you are uncomfortable with”.

His eyes seemed to beg for forgiveness, but there was something in his disgust of your treatment that made your anger feel if it was slippin g away from you.

“Whether or not you intended it, this still happened, Mr. Hiddleston. I was not courted, not allowed to get to know you before the decision was made for me”, you break his faze to stare at a suddenly interesting flower.

“Then I suppose I shall have to remedy that”, he said softly. You felt two slender fingers curl under your chin and gently force your face up to look at him. There was kindness written in all of his features. He was close enough to kiss you if he wished. A strange thought of how his lips might feel crossed your mind, but you desperately buried it under the thoughts of Jackson.

The two fingers moved from under your chin to lightly stroke your jaw line, sending unwanted bolts of electricity through you. His eyes seemed to devour your whole being in a fierce way that made you long for the warmth of Jackson’s.

“Tell me, I beg of you”, he whispered softly, his warm breath washing over you face. “What would y ou have me do?”

Your mind searched desperately for an adequate answer. No matter what you did, you were going to marry this man. That wasn’t really something you could ever forgive him for. Yet, there may be ways to make the whole mess somehow easier for you.

“Allow me to get to know you”, you answer finally. “And I want to know everything. From your favorite book to how you business runs”. You made sure to add that last part, hopeful he would accept and you’d finally be able to understand this world that has been kept from you most of your life. “But most importantly, I want you to get to know me. I would much rather marry a friend than a stranger”.

Mr. Hiddleston listened to your requests with a level of curiosity and surprise. A small smile played on his lips as he responded. “Nothing would give me more pleasure than meeting your requests whole heartedly”. His eyes twinkled in a way that you would have found quite endearing had you not been so buried in misery. “As friends, might I make a request of my own?"

You nod, curious what he might ask for.

“Please, call me Tom”, he said with a smile.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sunlight streams through your windows as A’zariah opened them in her preparations for the day. You are truly exhausted, spending most of the night tossing and turning as confusing thoughts flooded your mind. It was going to be a very long day.

“Good morning, A’zariah”, you groan out. It probably wasn’t proper for you to even act like she exists except for the moment she does something wrong, but you couldn’t bring yourself to do that. Thus, you chose to count her a friend and after many years, she finally began to treat you warmly back.

“Mornin', Miss”, her melodic voice answered back.

 “I hope you slept better than I did”, you managed as you sat up in your large bed. You winced as guilt pierced thro ugh you at the thought of her small little cot that she slept in while you got this huge bed all to yourself.

“I truly did”, she said with a knowing smile. “I was in my bed, sleeping like an angel only to wake to a beautiful sunrise”. A’zariah was always a morning person, much to your chagrin. Though, she probably didn’t have much of a choice in the matter.

“Well, thank God one of us did”, you say with a chuckle.

There was a silence for a moment while she busied herself trying to get the fire going in your fire place. Once it was lit, she brushed the dirt from her hands and stood to face you.

“Now, I heard a rumor among the house servants today, Miss, and I do think that I deserve all your little details”, she said with a grin.

“And what rumors are you talking about, A’zariah?” You tease. There was certainly no way that none of the servants had heard you shouting the other morning and then Mr. Hiddl… Tom, your correct ed, came visiting last night. It wasn’t hard to draw conclusions.

“You know full well what ones I’m talking about”, was the only response you got.

You sigh deeply, wishing you could avoid this questioning, but you probably needed to get this all off your chest.

“I suppose they are true if they are talking about me being engaged to be married to Mr. Hiddleston”. You began with a shrug. “Last night was the first time I’d even met him and I must say that he is very kind”.

A’zariah rushed to sit next to you on the bed, eager to hear the story. “But miss! What are you going to do about Jackson? Don’t you love him?”

Tears quickly flooded your eyes at the reminded that you didn’t have a choice, that you would be forced to give up your true love forever.

The next hour or so was spent in her arms, sobbing the story, your confusing feelings, and the frustration of not being able to choose for yourself. She simply held you and listened, offering few words of encouragement to get it all out.

“I don’t know why this happened, miss, but I’m sure it will all turn out the very way God Almighty plans it. You just hold on ‘cause there’s a light at the end of this”. She reassured gently.

“But I love Jackson! How could this possibly be alright? How am I to marry Tom after loving another man so truly?” You barely managed to sob out the words, voicing your fears and question, desperate for answers.

“I don’t know, Miss. I really don’t”, she whispered. “All I can say is to wait on the Lord ‘cause he always does what he knows it best for us. And it may hurt us, but we just gotta know it’s for the best”.

A’zariah soothed you for a little while longer before you finally get a hold of yourself. There was no use spending your days crying over something you could not control. Besides, you were supposed to accompany Tom on a ride this early afternoon, some thing you had agreed to last night.

The memory flooded your mind with the way his face lit up when you accepted his request. He really had a very great smile. Your hand was caught in between his large, yet incredibly soft ones, enveloping yours until it nearly disappeared. After staring into your eyes a moment longer, he’d pressed his soft lips against your hand and left with a bow to your parents.

You could still feel his lips against your hand, no matter how many times you tried to scrub away the feeling as you washed for bed last night. Guilt consumed you, that you could possibly be enjoying this man’s company after he had stolen your only promise of happiness.

It took nearly all of your self control to not run to the stables, jump into Jackson’s arm, and simply just forget that Tom had ever existed.

You wanted to, but you didn’t. You were a southern woman; you could take the heavy heat of the summer and the bitter cold of the winter. These feelings would not consume you, but fall underneath your beautiful façade as you enchant the world.

You dressed for the day with a firm strength you held onto for dear life.

 

The sun shone quite comfortably around your shoulders as your rode your favorite horse, a chestnut mare by the name of Lady. Tom’s own horse was a beautifully sleek black horse that you easily fell in love with the moment you saw him. The horse of course and not Tom, you reassured yourself quickly. He was leadingyou somewhere that was supposed to be a surprise, but judging by the full saddle bags, you assumed it was a preferred picnic spot of his.

He had been very warm this morning, ecstatic with his boyish smile that reminded you of the sun breaking through storm clouds. He had quickly helped you mount your mare, completely oblivious of Jackson who just happened to be the one who brought your mare out for you. Your eyes had met, silently saying everything you wished you co uld say out loud. There was a glint in his eyes that could only be called jealousy with a hint of hatred. It broke your heart to see such a cruel look in the eyes of the kindest man you had ever known.

So without a word, you kicked Lady into motion and sent one last longing glance at his face before joining Tom.

The sun warmed you nicely as the relaxed ride took your mind off the chaos of it all. Some things were simply unfair, but the earlier words from A’zariah drifted into your mind. Not all hope was lost and surely God had a plan that would turn these trials into something beautiful

Up ahead, Tom had stopped and dismounted right outside a Lilac grove. It was quite beautiful and she could already smell the heavy scent of lavender. You joined him, slowing to a stop right next to him. He looked up to you with that same smile, and gave you a helping hand down. His large hands enclosed around your waist and lifted you from your saddle effortlessly until he put you down on the ground.

 “There we go”, he said softly after setting you down. Your breath hitched in your throat as your realized that he was standing very close to you. His height forced you to strain your head back to look him in the eye and that desire from last night came flooding back through you, wishing he would kiss you.

After a second of being seemingly mesmerized by your closeness, Tom let out his heart chuckle as he stepped away and walked to his saddle bags.

“Ah!” He exclaimed happily. You broke out of your stunned silence as you curiously wondered made caused the excitement. He held up two apples from his bag in answer. “Completely fine! I was quite worried these would get bruised irreparably from the ride, but it seems they have survived!” He gave his generous smile once more before tossing one of the apples towards you.

You let out a laugh of your own as you miraculously caught the apple despite your usual clumsiness.

“First thing you should know about me”, he started, his amazing smile infectious. “I can’t stand a bruised apple”. He winked before taking the rest of the food out of the saddle bags and walking over to an entrance between the lilac bushes.

When you followed him, you were overwhelmed by the beauty of the scene that awaited you. The bushes filtered the sunlight with their thick blossoms and the air was incredibly sweet. Everything, including the light itself seemed purple; the deep green grass only complimenting the whole picture. Tom sat in the middle of this picture, sprawled on that grass comfortably, and you began to think that even he seemed to fit in with the beauty of the place. It was like the most incredibly painting you had ever seen and you wished more than anything that you could just memorize it and keep it in your mind forever.

“Do you plan on eating that apple, (Y/N)? Because if not, I’ll gladly take it off your hands”, his be autiful voice broke through your thoughts and sent a shiver up your spine.

You let out a hearty laugh of your own. “No, Tom, I think I’ll eat it”. His eyes lit up with amusement as he finished off his apple that he had wolfed down in seconds. You decided to take a bite of yours before he decided to take yours from you, which clearly was the only explanation for that mischievous glint in his eyes.

“So what about you, darling?” He asked. You looked at him curiously, not sure what he was referring to and was a bit taken back at being called darling. He simply smiled up at you. “How do you feel about bruised apples?”

A giggle escaped your lips at the absurdity of the question. “I’m not too picky, I suppose”, you answered before sitting on the ground next to him, arranging your skirt after tucking your legs under you.

“That’s probably for the best”, he sighed. “My mother used to tell me that it was rude to turn down things simpl y because you don’t like it. Then she would begin a very long lecture about the less fortunate and the starving children who wished they had bruised apples they could eat”. He smiled as he remembered the memory. “I tried to tell her once that we could just send all the bruised apples to them. She just threw her hands up in the air and said ‘Thomas William Hiddleston’” His voice had taken up a higher quality, clearly trying to imitate his mother in a quite amusing way. “’You will eat your apples now. I don’t care how bruised they are’”.

The both of you laughed whole heartedly at his imitation. Imagining Tom as a child seemed rather difficult for you. He maintained most of his childness in his adult life that she merely imagined him as a much shorter version of himself.

“Tell me something, (Y/N): why did you ask to learn about my business last night?” He abruptly asked.

The question caught you off guard, but you took a bit of your ap ple again so you could have a second to think.

“Do you want the truth, Tom?” You ask seriously, looking into his curious blue eyes. He nodded, never quite taking his eyes off yours.

“I’ve never been satisfied with the duties of a woman. As a child, I was allowed to sit and listen to my father’s meetings in his study, but none of my questions were ever answered”. Your mind traveled back as you remembered many lectures given by your mother and father every time you asked about business or anything besides what you were supposed to be concerned with. “I am an incredibly curious person, Tom. I love learning how things work, what makes things tick. Business is an incredible thing and I deeply desire to learn the inner workings of it all if you’d be willing”. You finish your explanation and hastily search his face for the lecture you were sure you were about to get, accompanied with a refusal to do what you had asked.

His face didn’t relay any thing for a moment, never taking his eyes away from yours before inching closer to you, taking your hand in his.

“Darling, by choosing to start a journey towards marriage with you, I am prepared and truly delighted to share every part of my life with you”. Your eyes widened in shock. This certainly didn’t sound like a lecture. “That includes my business. So if you want to learn the inner workings, study the numbers, or anything, I would most certainly love to share this as much as I love sharing my hatred of bruised apples”.

His hand enveloped your hand softly, moving in reassuring, yet tantalizing circles that normally would have completely distracted you if it wasn’t for his hypnotic eyes consuming you in warmth. Those eyes flickered to your lips for a moment and you realize that he might take this chance to kiss you.

Guilt rolled around in your stomach like a sudden thunder storm and you drew your hand back from his in one quick movement. You smiled unconvincingly as you looked over to the picnic basket.

“So what other foods don’t you like?” You begin, changing the subject.


	3. Hello and Goodbye

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! SOOOO sorry this was so short. I can promise that Jackson will continue to be around, but there is this is kind of the point where the reader cannot really entertain the idea of running away with him or even just continuing to be in love with him in secret.
> 
> Jackson is a wonderful character and I'm super excited to use the dynamic of the relationship in future chapters, but these first few ones really just have to be filled with crappy angst and confusion.
> 
> Get ready for some awesome action and crazy stuff going down, including a particular secret Tom has been hiding ;)

The soft, fading light of the stables allowed for just enough to reveal the outline of your mare as you began brushing her back. It was soothing work that you normally weren’t allowed to do, but after a long and confusing day, it was just what you needed to think. Jackson would be around eventually and as much as you wanted that, it would certainly break the peace that you treasured highly.

Your mind drifted to memories of your afternoon. Tom had been wonderful and kind, but most importantly, he allowed you to say exactly what you wanted to say; in fact, he encouraged you to speak your mind every time he could tell you were keeping something from him. It was annoying at first how perceptive he was, but the fact that he cared enough to want you to voice your thoughts constantly warmed your heart. It was so refreshing to want to get those words out.

You discovered he enjoyed talking just as much as he enjoyed listening. A lot of time was spent listening to his many childhood stories from England and you couldn’t deny the amusement of his early life. He had been what his mother had called “just a teaspoon shy of crazy”, a name he referred to with an endearing smile. He also talked about his two sisters and their adventures. You found yourself wishing to meet them more than anything as you laughed along to the stories he relayed.

Even though he did spend a great deal of time talking, he had also spent a lot of time asking questions of his own like what your favorite past time was and what your opinions were on American politics.  The former question was one that surprised you greatly. Your answer was wary, not exactly sure what you could explicitly say to a man who’s living was made off the backs of slaves and the laws that allowed such a thing to happen in particular states.

You told him that you believed America to be a great nation, yet too easily divided due to the independence of each state. I t would be seen as a weakness to other nations ultimately and, as the conflict that was ripe throughout the states was proving; it would turn the nation in on itself. You weren’t going to address the issue of slavery, but he continually pressured you to speak your mind about it.

With a deep breath, you managed to tell him that you avidly stood against slavery. You quoted the declaration of independence, “that all men are created equal and are endowed with inalienable rights. Among these are life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness”. No matter the color of skin, you explained, they are still men and deserve to live freely out of the hands of cruel task masters and slavers.

There had been a long, awkward silence as you waited for his response. His eyes betrayed nothing, but he seemed frozen in place.

Finally, he had broken the silence with a quiet question. “What happened in your life that allowed a young, southern girl to stand so strongly on the very thing that gave her the ease of life she grew up in?”

Your face had contorted in pain as you recalled the day you had first met Jackson, a truly terrible day.

It had been late autumn, the sun burning hot as the harvest was being brought in. You had been just a child, only six years of age and were playing with some of the slave children that you were friends with at the time. While running through some fields near the slave village, your play time was shattered by the sounds of some of the most horrific screams you’d ever heard. Running, you found the small a sufficient hiding spot where you’d be allowed to see what was happening yet not be noticed.

In the middle of the square was a woman, beaten and bloody, lying on the ground with the new task manager standing over her, a whip in his hand. She didn’t appear to be moving or breathing. Slaves were huddled around the doorways, hiding the horrific site from their children. The image was forever burned into your mind. Blood poured from many wounds all over her, skin stripped away in patches here and there. 

The only sound piercing the silence was the screams of the woman’s child, a boy not much older than you.  The man turned to him, raising the whip to strike him. You had winced your eyes shut as the blow landed, but there was an unmistakable sound as the whip connected with his skin and the screams of agony were something you had remembered your whole life.

The blows continued until you had counted to 10 and couldn’t take any more. With a scream, you had jumped in front of the nearly unconscious body of the boy, only to be met with your own painful lash down your right arm. You would never forget the cruel look on the man’s face, his determination to kill another human life. It reminded you of the monsters you had spent you whole life hearing stories about.

That man had been fired the moment you ran back to the house with blood streaming down your arm. Not because he killed a woman and nearly killed her son. Not because it was cruel or uncalled for or inhumane. He was fired because you had been hurt in the process.

Since that day, you had spent a great deal of time hating slavery and had even studied abolitionist pamphlets that were given to you in secret. It was impossible for you to eat your meals or feel the thick cotton of your clothing without the image of that dead woman crossing your mind. If that was the cost of these luxuries, then you’d much rather wear rags and starve.

You explained all of this to Tom, carefully gauging his reactions, most of which were encouraging. He seemed to understand, or was very good at pretending to. You left out the fact that the young boy you saved had been Jackson, and the fact that from that day on, you became close friends and eventually fell in love, but the memories of helping nurse him back to health after the beating, playing together in the marshy woods, and even your first kiss ran through your mind as you finished telling the story.

While you were lost in your memories and silence had fallen, you were completely surprised to find Tom pressing his lips against yours. It was only for a moment, but in those few seconds, it was like your entire body had burst into flames. The memory of his gentle lips pressing against yours would haunt your thoughts for a long time.

Your finger traced your lips, remembering the soft pressure of his. You hadn’t had time to respond before he pulled away, apologizing profusely, but you didn’t think you would have pulled away. There was a new ache resting in your stomach that was so desperate for more kisses and touches. It mixed with the gnawing guilt that was also eating away at your mind, turning into a violent storm of uneasiness. You hated him desperately for making you feel such a painful mixture of thoughts. It wasn't fair that he could be so kind, so caring and considerate, as well as be the man who is keeping you from the freedom you wish was yours.

The sound of soft footsteps woke you from your thoughts. Jackson stood at the entrance to the stall, not quite meeting your eyes. It was like he was waiting for something. An apology, perhaps, but you really weren’t in the right mind to give it to him. All you wanted was him to kiss you in such a way that you would forget Tom, forget that you were engaged, and hopefully even forget to breathe.

When you rushed into his arms and captured his lips with yours in one quick movement, Jackson was too surprised to respond to the force of your kiss. You used your tongue to force his lips open before hungrily searching his mouth with your tongue. He recovered from his stupor with a low moan before walking you forward until you were pressed against the opposite side of the stable.

He quickly gained control of the situation as his hands held you tightly to his hard body while his tong ue fought for dominance against yours. The coarseness of his hands were comforting, helping you to chase away any thought of another pair of lips and longer, softer hands

His body pinned yours swiftly, crushing you in a desperate hunger. Those hands began to roam your body, touching places that he had never quite touched before. Shivers ran through your body as a thumb brushed the underside of your breast, causing a low whimper to escape your throat, only to be swallowed by his mouth.

Suddenly, the force of his mouth began to lighten and in a moment, you were back to the gentle, almost unsure kisses that had always been part of your love. Try as you could, you couldn’t help but be disappointed as the hunger insider of you continued to rage on without any relief.

Tears rushed unbidden down your face. You needed him to love you wildly with no hesitance. You would rather be taken in that moment by him, up against this stupid stall wall then to wait for any s oft bed. You wanted him and that was something you’d never get, both by circumstance and his choice.

“Please”, you whisper hoarsely as he draws away to wipe away your falling tears.

Jackson simple shakes his head and steps away. “Angel, you know why we can’t”.

Pain so real you could almost physically feel it coursed through you. “We could do it you know”, you beg. “We could run away, start a new life together. We could completely forget about this or that man I’m being forced to marry”.

He turned towards you to look at you with those beautiful chocolate eyes. There was something broken in them that just made you hurt all the more. “(Y/N), it’s not possible. To run away would be a death sentence on both our heads”.

“Fine”, you say angrily as more tears rush down your face. “If I’m not important enough to you to fight for me, then why did we even bother? You should have just told me that you don’t want me”. You nearly storm out of the stable before he catches you in his arms.

“There is nothing I want more than you”, he whispered softly while trying to soothe your tears. “But you deserve better than anything I could possibly offer you. I will not place the curse of my skin on your life”.

 You attempt to shake him off, but he held tight. “It’s my choice, not yours”, you argue furiously. "and I choose you, just like I always have”.

“Not this time, Angel”. Tears of his own began to fell down his weary face. That was enough to steal the anger from your heart and replace it with pure agony as you broke for him. He never cried. The last time you saw him cry was after he became conscious to realize that his mother had been killed. With a weary sigh, you gave in as pain coursed through you to have your ability to choose once again by someone you loved.

“That Hiddleston guy seems like a good man”, he began again. The mention of Tom just added to more of your misery as you sobbed softly. “He’ll take good care of you and love you unconditionally. You can have the wonderful life you deserve, full of all the gifts and acceptance that should always be rained down on you. He can offer you everything I can’t”. His voice broke at the end of this, just trying to finish. “So you go be happy, angel. Eventually, you’ll learn to love him and forget about little ol’ me completely”.

You begged Jackson almost incoherently between sobs that you could never possibly forget him, or even be happy without his love. That those gifts and whatever meant nothing to you without him. Your tears soaked through his uncomfortably course shirt as they tried to successfully tell him everything your words were failing to explain.

After a few moments, he began to unlatch himself from your grip. He was letting go and it was shattering you. You tried to cling harder, but he just gently stepped further away until he h ad stepped out of the stable. His eyes took in your sobbing figure before leaving you there to your pain.

Tears blurred your eyes as you did the only thing you could think to do. You pulled yourself up onto Lady’s back and ride out of the stables as fast as you possibly could with no idea where you were going.


	4. Recovery and Revelations

The warm morning light streamed through your eyelids as you find yourself slowly waking up. Your clothes were soaked from morning dew and you shivered from the cold that had settled deep into your bones. Not that you really cared about the cold. Your heart was too numb for something as tiny as physical discomfort to even breach your thoughts.

Lady had run back home some time through the night, leaving you in this unknown place, a beautiful meadow with a small pond near where you were laying. You weren’t entirely sure how long you had rode or when you decided it was ok to dismount. All you could remember was a blur of passing scenery as you rode away from everything you had ever know.

A small groan escaped your lips as you sat up, your entire body sore and exhausted. Your chest ached painfully, but for completely different reasons. A fine layer of dirt and mud covered the skirts of your dress, probably rendering it irreparable, but it was just a dress.

Your mind wandered back to happier times, including many memories of Jackson. You can remember the day he first woke up after the beating he took as if it had been just yesterday. His wounds had been extensive and many of them caught an infection. You hadn’t known about the severity of his situation until your father had called for a doctor to come and check the boy out.

Your small legs had carried you as fast as they could until you reached the home where he was being kept, seeing his flushed face as the sickness raged within him. There had been an elderly slave woman taking care of him when you came running in. A look of pure terror crossed her face before she looked down, afraid to make eye contact with the master’s daughter after the horrible display of cruelty days earlier.

That small cabin became your home for a while as you desperately tried to nurse Jackson back to health. The elderly woman, whose name was Jordyn, eventually warmed up to you as she taught you how to take care of him, everything from cleaning the wounds to bathing his head with a cool cloth. It took nearly a week before he was conscious again.

When he came to, you had hid behind Jordyn who was quickly calling for one of the younger children to run to your father for the doctor. His eyes were much lighter back then, reminding you of milk chocolate, and they focused on you with an incredibly intensity when you came into view. He had begun to demand you leave when Jordyn explained how you were the one to stop his own death from occurring. You displayed your arm in proof, which was all black and blue and swollen around the closed wound. His gaze had softened at the sight.

You had held him when he first learned that his mother was dead. His small body was wracked with such uncontrollable sobs that it brought your own tears falling. It took time for him to trust you, but once he did, the both of you were inseparable.  

You grew u p together in the hot Carolinian summers, spending every moment you didn’t have to be at your lessons and he didn’t have to be working together. When he explained that the reason his mother was beaten was because she was teaching him to read, you determined to honor her memory by resuming teaching him in secret.

Neither of you admitted your feelings for each other until the day you had your first courter. He wasn’t anything special and you certainly weren’t interested in marrying him, but for some reason, Jackson had been infuriated. You hadn’t told him about the secret glances towards him as you sat closely to read a book together, or shiver that ran through you whenever he grabbed your hand while you were both running. After a huge fight, it finally came out. You were in love with each other. You were only 15 and he was 17, but it was undeniable.

It had been three years since then and ever year had been more beautiful than the last. There had been a f reedom in loving him. It reminded you of how birds must feel when they finally step out of their nests and begin flying.

But now… It was as if someone had clipped those wings and you were helplessly chirping on the ground.

Speaking of the ground, it was rather uncomfortable and your shivering had grown quite a lot to the point your teeth were chattering together. You would catch a cold if you weren’t careful.

 “(Y/N)!” A voice called from the distance. It felt like a dream voice, like it wasn’t really there and just maybe if you kept pretending it didn’t exist, it would just disappear. Even with the thunder of hooves coming closer, it all was probably in your head.

You didn’t snap out of your daze as warm hands had gently touched your face. You looked up to the place where the sun had just been glaring down on you, only to find the face of Tom looking at you with such concern. Those brilliant blue eyes made the aching inside you worse, but you didn’t want to look away. What a nice dream, you thought.

“(Y/N), are you alright?!” His warm, velvety voice spoke. He began to notice your violent shaking and wrapped you in his arms with some words to the side, perhaps to his companions. The little you were paying attention to was said something about getting your father and taking you to his home because it was closer.

You hardly noticed a thing as he picked you up bridal style and placed you on the back of his horse only to join you. His body heat seemed to soak through you, warming your back where his lean chest was pressed against you. All you could think about was how nice it felt before everything went black.

 

Warmth seeped through the biting cold that seemed to keep you under those dark, murky waters of unconsciousness. Your eyes opened slowly to find yourself bundled in warm blankets on a beautiful bed. There was crackling fire going and the room was comfortably toasty. As fo r your soaking clothes, they were nowhere to be seen. A night gown was in its place, making you feel rather self conscious about being so bare in an unknown place.

There as a glass of water on the side table you guessed was meant for you and the moment you saw it, you realized how sore your throat was. Your hand shakily grabbed it and brought it to your lips, helping to quench the thirst that was there and drawing your attention to the emptiness of your stomach.

Standing proved more difficult than you would have thought, but it was a necessary evil. There was no way your curiosity would be sated without discovering where you were and how long you had been out. Somehow, you kept your shaky balance as you took your first step, though your head began to spin for a moment. You pulled off on the blankets to wrap around yourself modestly before venturing out of your room. A delightful smell wafted towards your nose and you pressed your face into the blanket to breathe it in. It smelled like Tom.

He must truly be very wealthy and successful. You had come from a rich plantation home and this was even bigger it would seem. You also noted that it had an air of simplicity as well, not showing off or too extravagant. You ventured through the hallway your door opened up to, finding many rooms just like yours, though yours was much larger. Each room was set up a bit differently, but each one was beautifully furnished, though sadly empty.

A large door at the end of the hallway caught your attention. When you opened it, your eyes were met with the beautiful view of an extensive library. It was a very large room with towering shelves and ladders. There seemed to be books on every possible subject and your heart gave a leap. You could probably spend hours upon hours in this room if given the chance.

At the very center of the room as a large oak desk filled with papers and writing material. You could just see Tom with his long legs s prawled under it while he dragged his fingers through his hair in frustration. The image had that same gnawing hunger, one that wouldn’t be satisfied by food, building deep inside you. You shook your head to try and rid yourself of such thoughts.

You approached the desk, looking over the stacks of books he kept close. Most of them were poetry and Shakespeare, literature you hadn’t quite seen before. You longer to pour over them as if searching for the gold in each one that made Tom treasure them so much. Their pages were worn and some of the bindings have begun to come off, clearly thoroughly read.

You turned from the desk to the open window in front of you. The sun streamed through the glass pleasantly as you walked forward to glimpse the view. It was obvious that this window was facing the front of the house, leaving the beautiful drive way that had some of the thickest, dark green over hang for a canopy and there were cherry blossoms periodically, spotting the landscape of green with their light pink bushes. It was breath taking.

Movement caught your eye near the front steps. There was bundle after bundle of cotton stacked on the side, probably getting ready to be loaded on a wagon before taken to a ship that would take them up north where it would be turned into clothing to be sold back to the south.

Tom was standing there, the sun glinting off his curls, nearly turning them light blond. He looked rather majestic to you, taking your breath away. You were so focused on watching him that you nearly missed a man, a woman, and a small child, all black, approach him. From the distance, it was difficult to see what Tom was doing, but it looked like there were some bundles of cotton that were packed differently, just allowing someone to fit into, though probably rather uncomfortably. You held your breath as you watched the family slip into separate bundles after thanking Tom profusely.

After a minute or two, a wag on rolled up the drive way and a few men got out to load the cotton. The bundles hiding the people went completely unnoticed as they were loaded with the rest. The men wiped their foreheads in exhaustion and left without another word.

You had hardly noticed that you were frozen until your legs started to cramp. If that was what you thought it was Tom certainly was a much different man than you had ever imagined. And he was probably on his way to either check on you or get working on something at his desk. In a rush of movement, you grabbed a random book off the stack on his desk and sat on one of the arm chairs that were sitting around the library.  You only had a couple seconds as you snuggled yourself into a somewhat realistic position and opened the book halfway.

Hurried footsteps stormed into the library, stopping suddenly when he saw you there. You looked up as if surprised to see him, desperately hoping your acting skills were up to it

His face went from worried to surprised very quickly as he looked at you. “Darling”, he said breathlessly. “I was worried you had run off again”.

You send a half smile back at him. “I wasn’t aware that I had run off a first time”.

“Then what do you call taking your horse into wild country miles away from your home?” He almost sounded exasperated with you, but there was a small smile playing on his lips.

You smile sweetly. “I call that an unexpected adventure”.

His deep chuckle met your ears, sending warmth through your chest. “Next time, you might want to prepare a bit better. Catching hypothermia isn’t exactly a nice end to any kind of adventure”. Tom walked closer to you until he knelt by your side.

“Hypothermia?” You stutter. Maybe it was much more serious than you had imagined.

“You had me worried for a while darling”, he whispered softly before brushing a hair from your face. “When we found you, you were barely half alive. We brought you back here to try and warm you up, but you had caught a bad flu”. His eyes winced just barely as a memory passed his thoughts. “You had a bad fever. There were times when the doctor wasn’t sure if you were going to make it”.

“Wait”, you stop him. “How long was I out for?”

“Nearly a week”. Shock ran through you, leaving you speechless. “Trust me when I saw that it was one of the most miserable weeks of my entire life. To be so helpless to ease your pain and bring you back to me was infuriating”. His blue eyes met yours with such force that you could nearly feel his helplessness for yourself.

“I’m so sorry, Tom”, you whisper, tears coming to your eyes. “I wasn’t thinking when I left. Please forgive me for causing you any worry or discomfort”.

He leaned forward just enough to kiss your forehead softly. “You are completely forgiven”, he murmured against your skin. “Just don’t ever do t hat again. I am already unsure as to how I will ever let you go again now that you are safe and breathing. Losing you would surely make me go mad”.

You arched your head to look him in the eye, puzzled. Your nose rubbed pleasantly against his as your lips were just an inch away. “I don’t understand, Tom. We’ve only just met. How could you go mad without me?” The comfort of being with him like this was new and almost too fast for you, but it dulled the ache inside of you which is really all you wanted.

“I’m not quite sure myself”. The warm air of his breath fanned your face and hunger began building inside of you once more, muddling your mind with lust. “I am not a man that wears his heart on his sleeve. I hadn’t even believed in love at first sight until the moment I met you”. His eyes seemed to darken momentarily and you felt your body reacting to him, the slip barely covering it. It was all you could do to not beg him to kiss you. That wild side wanted to take control and you fiercely wanted it to.

All too soon, he moved away with a reluctant smile. He stayed on his knees next to your chair though, which was comforting. A glance at your still open book in your lap brought an odd smile to his face that you really enjoyed seeing.

“Norse mythology is an odd topic choice for a young woman, don’t you think?” There was a laugh in his voice as you realized that it probably would have been a good idea to check out the title of the book before choosing it as your cover.

“Ah, yes. Well, you see”, you began, searching for an answer. “As a woman, my education in the world has been rather… vague and I saw that it was something that interests you as it is set with your other prized books so I decided I might as well… read a little of it”. That excuse sounded rather pathetic to your own ears, but you sincerely hoped he hadn’t noticed.

“Well, that’s awfully thoughtful of you, da rling”, he answered with a wink. His handsome features had taken on a playfulness that had your stomach fluttering. His long fingers dexterously stole the book from your hands. “Let’s see what story you were reading”. You protested loudly and your hands reached for the book, only to be expertly avoided as he stood up and you followed, still reaching for the book he held just out of reach. “Hmmm, well it appears you were enthralled in the story of… loki and Svaðilfari”. There was a hitch in his throat as he named the title. He looked down at you with a different sort of gaze that you couldn’t quite place.

“I… well.. I…”, you stuttered, desperately searching for a reason why you would be reading whatever it was that was probably incredibly inappropriate based off his surprise. “I.. wasn’t really… paying attention?”

The book closed rather suddenly, causing you to jump. You began to realize how close he was and it drove you insane, sm elling the sweet mixture of his musk and the smell of old books. His eyes were devouring you were you stood, taking you in and making you realize that you had left the blanket on your seat, leaving your body open to his gaze. You were supposed to be running away, desperate to hide yourself and keep some semblance of what they called “dignity”, but you couldn’t find it in you to move.

“Perhaps I should relay the story for you, since you were unable to finish it”. His voice had deepened and become husky, sending bolts of desire straight to your core.

He leaned in and you backed away, partially afraid of this predatory side of Tom. “A long time ago in the world of Midgard, a man made a deal with the gods, an impenetrable fortress to keep out intruders in exchange for the goddess Freyja, as long as the man finished the fortress in three seasons". He took another step and you stepped backwards once more. "The trickster god Loki aided him by giving him the aid of the stallion Svaðilfari, an impossibly strong horse that made this impossible task somehow more probable”. Another step.

“This made the gods very angry with loki. They forced him to fix the mess he made. So one night, loki shape shifted in a beautiful mare and tempted the stallion".He had you backed up against his desk and he was leaning over you, arms on either side of you as you leaned back. "The horse went into an uncontrollable fit as he desperately tried to get to Loki, destroying much of the work that the man had done. For hours, loki and the stallion ran. Loki didn’t want to be caught for fear that the stallion would surely take him violently, so he tried to stay away for as long as possible”. Tom leaned his head down, brushing his lips against your neck, the feather light touches completely driving you insane. When he reached the sweet spot under your ear he continued. “But he wasn’t fast enough. He ran until he was too exhausted to change h imself back into a man and the stallion finally caught up”. You moan softly as you felt his tongue outline the shell of your ear. He shifted ever so slightly to kiss you’re your jaw, slowly creating a trail to your waiting lips.

As he reached your lips, you couldn’t hold yourself back any longer, kissing him as hard as you possibly could. A growl rumbled in his throat and you nearly felt yourself melt at the sound. It was completely unlike kissing Jackson. There was an urgency, a desperation in the kiss you shared. His body pinned yours against the hard wood of the desk and you could feel the outline of every muscle against your soft body. Your hands dived into those amazing curls and your fingers scraped against his scalp while you tugged him closer.

This wasn’t what you were taught. In fact it was probably the exact opposite of anything you were expected to do. But you had long since stopped caring. You needed this, the feeling of being wanted, the desp erate hunger that would not be quenched. You needed to stop feeling the ache in your heart, you needed a distraction.

Your eyes flung open suddenly as you stopped kissing him. He felt you freeze in his arms and released your lips to look at you questioningly. The only sound in the library was the sound of you both trying to catch your breath.

“I’m sorry”, he whispered breathlessly. “I shouldn’t have kissed you like that. Please forgive me for any disrespect I may have caused you”.

Without another word, he left the room, leaving you standing there wishing you could explain that it wasn’t his fault, that he didn’t have to be sorry. You wished you could tell him that you wanted him, desperately. But if you were going to go there with him, it wouldn’t be when you needed a distraction or to feel better. You couldn’t do that to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tehehehe  
> There will be smut eventually I promise!!  
> Major plot stuff happened. Hopefully you guys didn't hate the loki reference. I thought it would be a fun little piece.  
> If you are here for the interesting civil war drama and the eventual action, just hold up! It's going to start happening pretty soon!!  
> Comment any ideas, opinions, or things I can fix!  
> thanks for reading!


	5. Friend and Protector

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Descriptive Depression episode and Panic Attack. I apologize if this is a trigger for anyone!!!! Please skip the chapter if that is traumatizing to you.
> 
> I figured it seemed like the reader was taking everything too well in the last chapter so she needed some realistic reactions to this situation. I used the descriptions from some of my own experiences with depression and panic attacks, so if this seems weird or not at all real to you guys, I apologize, but this is literally a description of some of my own memories.
> 
> Sorry for taking forever to update!!! I've been working like crazy and it hasn't really left much time to write. I promise to try and do better in the future.

You returned to your room when you started feeling weak, suddenly exhausted and nauseous all at once. After a week of one of being deathly sick, it probably hadn’t been a good idea to get up in general. You fell asleep the moment your head hit the pillow, slipping back into unconsciousness.

In your dreams, Tom was leaning over you just as he had earlier, except he didn’t stop this time and you let him keep going. You spared no thoughts to Jackson. There wasn’t the pain you were experiencing in your heart, just a completely new and wild experience that excited you beyond words. The feel of his lips against yours, fiercely kissing you like a starved man who was finally given sustenance, was so real that you almost forgot you were dreaming.

His hands roamed your barely clothed body, sending shivers through you. They claimed you as they ran over your breasts roughly and you had never wanted to be owned in such a way before. You let out a moan as he brushed your jutting nipples through your night gown with the pad of his thumbs. His tongue explored your mouth deeper as he leaned you back until you were pressed against the hard wood of his desk, your legs no longer steady on the floor but wrapped around his waist.

He let go of your lips with a loud smack as he grabbed the hem of your night gown and shoved it over your head, leaving you naked to his brilliant eyes. Those eyes devoured your curves as he sat back. You felt yourself grow wet at the sight of being so open to that perfect face.

After a moment you dearly wanted to feel the friction against his now tented pants from what seemed to be an impressive erection. You ground your hips against his in one swift movement, forcing a low moan to escape his lips. Encouraged, you continued grinding against him.

“Darling”, he moaned through clenched lips. You loved the way the muscles in his jaw as you watched, fascinated.

“Darling, it’s time to wake up”. That didn’t quite sound right. You cocked your head up at your beautiful Tom before the beautiful moment fell away as you opened your sleep weary eyes.

That same beautiful face was hovering over you, though the hunger that had turned his eyes to a dark storm was replaced with a soft concern. Your attention was drawn to the others in the room when a cough broke your gaze.

“Darling, your father is here. They brought Dr. Philips here to check on you again”.

Dr. Philips was a rather familiar face. He had come around the plantation a couple times, once when you broke your arm when you were 5, and when Jackson was nearly dying from his fever. Emptiness coursed through your chest at the thought of him, consuming you once again. 

“Hello, miss!” The gruff voice of the elderly doctor greeted. “My, you certainly look much better than you had been last time I visited”. A cold hand was wrapped around your wrist, checking your pulse while looking at his time piece. “I hope you’ve been resting adequately. Thomas here mentioned you had gotten up on your own sometime yesterday”. The hand moved from your hand to your forehead, checking for a temperature. “That was rather hasty of you. I would suggest taking it slower and give your body some time to recover”.

You nodded, hoping that you weren’t going to be required to give a better answer. That dark emptiness just seemed to consume your heart and steal your ability to speak. It was like being painfully exhausted, even though you probably slept quite long.

Your father chose that moment to speak up. “When can she be moved?” He asked the doctor, possibly concerned for appearances of having his daughter staying at her fiance's home before they were to wed. Had you not been so numb with pain, you would probably be angry at the lack of thankfulness for Tom's kindness.

A sigh met your ears, though you weren’t sure who it came from. “I would say you should wait a while longer, a week at least before considering moving her. She looks a bit too weak to not fall sick once more by a simple trip home”, the doctor answered with his same carefree manner.

“I suppose we will have to make due”, your father gave in, though clearly unhappy with the news.  “(Y/N), your mother brought some clothing for you to wear and I brought your maid servant along with me to help make this time here easier”. The idea of A’zariah being there helped you move your head the inches necessary to look at your father. He seemed to be standing a bit off from the group as if he wasn’t comfortable. One glance at Tom’s face told you that something was going on.

“And I’ve brought some medicine that should help you feel a bit better”, Dr. Philips continued. His cold hands searched his black bag for a few vials that he quickly placed on the table next to the bed. Your face cringed at the idea of taking that awful medicine, but it was better than being overcome by the sickness once again and possibly dying. Or that’s what you kept telling yourself at least. The emptiness seemed at peace with the idea.

“I’ll be around every afternoon to check on you after I’ve made my usual rounds. Thomas here has done such a great job taking care of you, I’m sure he will continue to be attentive to your state for me”. Your eyes found Tom’s like an anchor in your gut wrenching pain. He looked almost guilty for some reason. You made a mental note to ask him about it in the future.

The doctor began to pack his instruments up and stand. “We will just leave you now to get some rest”.

With that, they all left. Not one smile in your direction from your father or Tom. It worried you quite a lot. Perhaps Tom had stopped caring about you because you stopped. If only he knew of your love for Jackson. Perhaps he did and he now hated you. First Jackson, now Tom. Perhaps you deserved it because you began to fall for a man who was not destined husband and then easily turned towards the man you were being forced to marry.

Tears streamed down your eyes as your thoughts attacked you, causing that emptiness to grow immensely and spread to every crevice until you felt as if you were drowning. You curled into a ball to try and keep yourself together by some miracle, but it didn’t seem to help. Hours seemed to pass, but you could barely do anything other than lay there and cry.

You heard your door open softly as you curled away from it and tried to stop sobbing so loudly. Try as you might, you found yourself gasping for air while your air ways seemed to tighten and constrict. Someone yelling reached your ears, but you were fighting the black spots in your vision, just trying to get a hold of yourself before someone saw you like this.

A familiar pair of arms gathered you from your warm cocoon until you were curled against a muscled chest. Someone was crying in the room and it sounded a whole lot like A’zariah. Tom’s voice finally broke through the haze in your mind, telling you to breathe with him. You felt his chest move in a deep intake of breath and exhaled. It was all you could do to calm down and breathe with him.

A large hand ran through your long hair while holding you close, trying to soothe you. It was calming to be held like that, but it also brought a whole new wave of emotions. You felt like a burden, a duty he had to fulfill. How he must despise you! While you could breathe again, your sobbing had turned nearly hysterical.

You vaguely heard Tom tell A’zariah to go fetch Dr. Philips as your tears drenched his shirt beyond repair.

“Darling”, he whispered softly, continuing to try and soothe you. “Please calm down”, he practically begged. “Or tell me how I can help. I’m helpless until you tell me what I can do, or what’s been done to put you in this state?” His lips kissed your forehead gently as he held you closer to him, making no note of the mess you were making.

“I…”,You begin to try to say in between sobs. “I.. I don’t… deserve…. You”, you cry, not sure what had even possessed you to say that. It barely summed up any of the thoughts that were running through you.

The hand that had been running through your hair paused. “Now what in the world gave you that idea?” His voice had become gruff, almost angry. You just sobbed against his chest, afraid he would let go and leave you all alone.

Your heart nearly panicked again as he pulled away from you just enough to look you in the face, taking in the teary mess that was probably quite hideous. There was nothing in those beautiful blue eyes that seemed angry, only gentle and concerned

Tom’s lips always looked beautiful when they said your name, just as they did at that moment. “Any man would be graced by God himself to have found a woman such as yourself”, he began. There was something about the way he said it that nearly made it believable. “I don’t know what’s been done to you or who the fool was that hurt you, but I can promise you that you deserve better. I have only come to know you for a short time, love, and I a m already enamored to call you my future wife”.

His lips rested softly against your forehead once more while he brushed the subsiding tears away. For the first time in your life, you felt completely safe even though you were probably your most vulnerable. There was warmth that was finally piercing the cold emptiness in your heart and you didn’t care about the consequences or the guilt because it didn’t matter anymore.

“Perhaps enamored wasn’t the correct word”, his voice broke through the comfortable silence as he looked into your eyes, piercing your soul with something you hadn’t quite experienced before. “I love you, darling. And I would never expect you to feel the same way, especially after knowing me for such a short time, but know that I would give the world for your smile, for your happiness”. It looked like he was going to keep going with that beautiful, almost poetic way he spoke, but you couldn’t hold yourself back long enough to let him finish.

Your lips met his with all the words you weren’t quite sure how to say. You weren’t entirely sure what it was you felt for him, but it was so beyond anything you had ever experienced before. There was something timeless and unexplainable about the way it filled you.

Then again, it may be just a way to stop hurting. You weren’t entirely sure. Either way, it felt wonderful as his tongue slid over yours softly, exploring your mouth with a slow, burning affection. That hunger began building inside of you again, but he just kept kissing you with that same softness that clearly told you that it wasn’t going anywhere. His hands seemed hesitant, never moving from your face as they lightly stroked your jaw.

Too soon, he let go of your lips and laid you back down on the bed. Tom tucked you in with the covers, trying to make you comfortable. Just as he was about to shut the light off and say goodnight, you whisper what was eating at your mind.

“Please don’t go”. Your voice is hoarse and quiet, but you are thankful when he turns to you with a soft smile.

“My dear that would be highly improper”, he answered, but he really didn’t look like he cared. With a sigh, he stood and rang the bell that would summon a servant. . A smile lit his face when he turned back towards you. “Who cares about being proper anyways?”

In moments, a young man came striding into the room, taking in the scene without any emotion. “This is my man servant, William. I’ll just have him grab a few things for me so that I can stay with you, if you really need me”, Tom added. You nodded, sure that you certainly did want him with you, if just to keep you from being alone.

Within moments, William left with the list of things Tom asked him to grab and came back, a bundle of clothing and a book in his arms. They excused themselves to change which took only a minute, but still made panic rush through you again. T he cold began to seep through your heart once again, but it was quickly chased away as Tom reentered the room in his sleep clothes.

“I thought you might enjoy me reading to you”, he whispered softly as he joined you under the covers of the bed with the book. You managed a smile at him in encouragement.

His beautiful baritone voice lulled you into the most peaceful sleep as he began the story of Romeo Montague and Juliet Capulet.                


	6. One Step Forward, Two Steps Back

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hehehehe  
> yes, there will be an increasing amount of smut, but the adventure/action part is starting to build and you will be seeing much more of it in the future chapters. The wedding will be rather soon, but there's a lot of stuff that will go on in between now and then.  
> Please give any feed back you want to because I absolutely love feed back!!!!!

Every morning you woke up before now seemed absolutely horrible. Laying there in warm arms, feeling a body pressed against your back was unexplainably comfortable. He just held you while he softly snored and you almost didn’t mind the fact that those snores had woken you up.

You go to turn around so you can see his face, only to have him hold you tighter against him. Tom’s body had no give, not remotely soft. Pressed so tightly against him allowed you to feel every ridge of his muscled chest, his broad chest, sharp hip bones, and something else that seemed to have joined the category of hard… you gulp at the feeling, only to find that hunger had begun once again deep inside of you, desperate to be satiated.

Deliberately hoping to wake him up just enough, you pressed your bottom against him and ground just slightly. Tom’s soft snoring abruptly ended with an adorable snort, only to moan softly. You continued to move against him and his hands moved to hold your hips roughly in a pathetic attempt to stop you.

“Darling”, he pants softly in your ear. “Please stop that. I won’t be able to control myself if you keep going much longer”.  You reach a hand between your bodies and grasp him experimentally in your hand. The sound he makes is absolute bliss, encouraging you to continue. His heated member throbbed in your hand, sending desire coursing through you.

This was no dream and that exhilarated you beyond words. This man loved you, cared for you and you genuinely wanted to bring him pleasure. His lips began to kiss your neck softly, nuzzling the soft curve of your jaw and kissing a line up to your ear. You were surprised when he flicked his tongue out to trace the outline of your ear.

In a quick movement, Tom rolled you over to face him as he positioned himself above you, staring down at you with those brilliantly blue eyes that were clouded with lust. He was magnificent. As new as this was to your body, it was if you just knew what to do.  Your legs wrapped themselves around his waist, bringing him flush against your heat. Your night dress slipped upwards to gather around your waist, leaving your core open to his hungry gaze.

He seemed to pause for a moment, conflicted. You were desperate for him to release the animal you could see hiding carefully behind the gentleman he was. Yet, he was hesitant to free the predator. The frustration built deep inside of you, threatening to explode. Your clit throbbed and you became more and more soaked by the second.

“I can’t…”, His beautiful voice began, making you more hungry for him. “I can’t take you darling when you are not yet prepared to give yourself to me. I shall not take you deeply until your love is equal to that of my own. Otherwise it wouldn’t be fair to either of us”. He trailed off, almost as if he didn’t want to say those words. Regret filled those beautiful eyes and you fo und yourself wishing you could just wipe that look away permanently.

Disappointment brought tears to your eyes as you began to move away from him, only to have him stop you, holding your hips with his hands.

His gaze rested on your desperate, wet core as he held you there. “Despite my promise, love”, he began again, this time holding a mischievous glint in his eyes. “It appears you could use some servicing to make you feel better”.

You were about to ask him what he meant by that when his lips met yours fiercely, taking your breath away. His fingers reached down to your dripped core, finding your sensitive nub quickly and rubbing in amazing little circles. You let out a moan as fire seemed to spread through your body. He smiles against your lips as you are rendered a moaning mess while his long fingers continue to stroke you.

Suddenly, he slips a finger deep inside you. You find yourself bucking your hips against his hand as he curls his finger to hit that spot deep inside of you, causing you to shout much louder than you intended into his lips. He broke away from this kiss to stare down at you with a grin.

“Try not to wake the whole house, darling”, he said with a small chuckle.

Tom’s fingers continued to pump in and out of you while his thumb rubbed your clit, sending you over the edge much quicker than any exploring touches of your own hands had ever succeeded at doing. You clung to him for dear life as your orgasm rocketed through you and left you breathless.

With another mischievous smile, he brought the hand he had just touched you with up to his beautiful mouth and licked his fingers clean. His eyes rolled into the back of his head when the taste of you hit his tongue, sending another shot of pure lust to your core. It was probably the most lewd thing you had ever seen, but for some reason, it made you desperate to taste him yourself.

Before you got the chance, he unfortunately took that moment to move from between your legs and off the bed. It was clear he hadn’t quite gotten control of himself yet as his night clothes tented deliciously. Yet, he quickly wrapped himself in a robe that covered his erection before ringing the bell for breakfast.

 

Tom spent most of the day with you, talking amiably about everything under the sun. It was nice to have company when you weren’t supposed to get up. He read to you, told you more childhood stories, asked you all sorts of questions, and genuinely took care of you. William and A’zariah were becoming close themselves, working together to help the both of you with food and every request. Having Tom around chased away the thoughts that often threatened to return to your mind and consume you with that dark, emptiness once again. 

Dr. Philips visited in the morning, taking in the scene of a fully dressed Tom sitting in the chair next to the bed with a book open in his lap while you listened attentively. It was probably for the best that the both of you weren’t caught in a compromising position, or perhaps even a suspicious one.

After the doctor left, you remembered the previous day and the tension that had been going on between Tom and your father, so you asked him about it tentatively.

A surprised look washed over his face. “I hadn’t realized you noticed that”. His long hands went to his lips in thought before answering. “I had confronted your father on not giving you a choice in the engagement. He maintained that it was none of your business and it led to a rather heated discussion”. That silly curl had fallen on his forehead once more as he fell silent once again. 

“See, (Y/N), your father wishes for us to marry quickly. He doesn’t like the idea that you are living here while you recover and in his hurry to fix this, he has given us only a few weeks before the wedding”. He suddenly looked tired while he remembered the discussion. “I tried to convince him that we both needed more time, but he was adamant. The preparations have already begun”.

You didn’t quite understand what was so terrible about this news, but you nodded anyways. It wasn’t like you were ready to be married, but you had certainly warmed up to the idea of marrying Tom.

“My father can be quite determined”, you answer, not quite sure what to say. “It is his way of loving me, I suppose. Perhaps he thinks he is protecting me or ensuring my happiness, but he has always been this blind”. Familiar resentments rose inside your chest at the childhood you should have had if your father had taken the time to love you, or to care openly.

His hand reached over to cover yours reassuringly. “Fathers often make mistakes that they intended for the best at one time or another. Men in general can be blind to the feelings of others”, he reassured softly.

The two of you sat there in silence for a moment, thinking quietly.

“Onto a less serious topic!”He suddenly exploded with a bit of enthusiasm. “One good thing can come of this time we spend together while you recover. I will be able to explain my business to you and when you can begin walking around, I will personally show you the factories on this land”. His grin was infectious and you found yourself just as excited as he was.

Another ring for William brought the papers that had once scattered the desk of you had been bent backwards against. There held so many complicated numbers that seemed to tell you just exactly how well the business was doing, the margin of profit, etc. Tom explained in detail how the factories worked, taking the unfiltered cotton and using cotton gins to separate the cotton from the seeds, cleaning it out perfectly. After it was separated correctly, workers divided the batches to either be sent to the north or to local businesses to be turned into clothing.

Tom always preferred sending things to the southern businesses because he felt it kept the money in state and lessened the rising conflict between the north and south. The two sides could work independently of each other, it just hurt them. If the north starts losing the cotton needed to sell the product back to the south, they will lower the ridiculous prices that they sold it back to the south. Or, that’s what he hoped anyways.

A great deal of money went to the regular purchase of workers every couple months or so. You were rather curious why such a large amount of money was being directed towards that. Tom explained that he often visited many different plantations to draw up plans to receive the cotton grown there and there were many workers being horridly abused by the task masters. He worked to save many from the worst of the abusers, giving them a safe work place with plenty of food and comfort. It warmed your heart that he cared so much about these slaves.

It would have been the perfect moment to mention what you thought you’d saw the first day you had woken up, but you decided to keep it to yourself. When he felt he could trust you with something that life threatening and serious, he would tell you.

Instead, you began to tell him some of the things you did to help those in the slave village back home. You brought food to the starving every week, made presents for the children during Christmas, anything you could do to help. You relayed the feeling of wishing you could do more, but feeling so helpless. Tom simply nodded in understanding.

Near dinner, William burst into the room with a panicked hurry that instantly brought Tom to his feet.

“Excuse me, sir, but there’s been an issue with the cotton bundles that needs tending to”, William explained secretly. A silent conversation seemed to be going on between them as you watched in confusion. You secretly begged God that nothing had gone wrong, that Tom wasn’t about to be caught.

Tom glanced back at you with his signature smile, though it seemed a lot less sure. “Darling, I must go and deal with this, but I swear to you that I will be back as soon as I can. I will call for your maidservant to tend to your needs while I’m gone”.

Without another word, you watched his retreating figure as he left you there to wonder furiously what could be happening. Minutes later, A’zariah entered to find you standing by the window to watch Tom race off into the night.

“I’m sure he’ll be back soon, Miss. There’s nothing to worry about”, she reassured while she tried to get you to lie back down.

“You are wrong. There is everything to worry about”, you whisper softly. After getting lost in your thoughts for a moment and ignoring A’zariah’s soothing voice, you stood once again, desperately trying to blink away the blurriness that seemed to envelope your vision.

“Get me dressed”, you demanded, determined to be of help in some way or another.

 

 

The warm night air rushed past you as you furiously rode to the harbor, which was your best guess as to where Tom might be. As you neared the harbor, you began to see the lights that illuminated the usually very dark waters. Tom was standing there with the family he had tried to hide just a few days before, looking obviously caught in a mess.

You slowed the horse you had chosen at random from Tom’s stables until you caught the attention of the men who looked like they were about to hang Tom. There weren’t familiar to you, but they probably knew your father, which means they would have at least heard of you.

“Well, there you are!” you exclaimed loudly, desperately hoping you could convince them. “I’ve been looking all over for you, darling”. Tom’s face wasn’t hiding his horror the way you really wished he would.

“Wait miss, are you (Y/L/N)’s daughter?” Asked one of the larger men off to the right of you. Now that you were closer to them, you could count at least 5 different men you would have to convince.

“Yes sir, I am”, you say with a winning smile. “And this here is my fiance, Thomas Hiddleston. I don’t know if you’ve heard of him or not, but he’s doing some great business helping keep the south running independently”. You walk over to Tom’s side, using the flouncing, girly posture you had watched other girls your age pull off quite often. You grabbed his hand and held it between yours, hoping it would help him trust you.

\You look at the men as if surprised. “Is there a problem? Why have you cornered my poor Tom like this with my wedding presents?”

“Wedding presents?” There was a murmur among the men and you knew that it would just take a few more lies to get them to believe you.

“Yes, wedding presents”. You put on your most winning smiles and looked the family over as if the y were your prized cattle. The child was a young girl who looked positively terrified as she met your eyes.  “Tom bought these from Jamison, the slave catcher from Georgia. We received word tonight that they had disappeared into the night and Tom went running after them”. You looked back at the men with a slightly hurt expression. “You didn’t think he was trying to help them escape, now did you?”

The men looked uncomfortably at each other before the same man who spoke earlier spoke up once again. “Well, he did make it look like he was keeping these here animals a secret. It looked awfully suspicious miss”.

You let out a fake, tittering laugh nervously. “Well of course he did! You’d be secretive about it if you were new to Charleston and not well known among the plantations. He clearly didn’t want to give people the idea that he couldn’t keep track of his property”. Another bat of your eyelashes did the trick.

With a nod and a “sorry for the misunderstanding, miss”, the men went walking back into the dark, leaving your sorry group in silence. You turned towards Tom to find him staring at your suspiciously.

“I’m sorry”, you whisper to both Tom and the family. He held his hand up to stop you from saying anything else.

“Not now”, he whispered before turning towards the father apologetically. “Looks like we are going to have to figure out another way to get you out of here. For the mean time, come back to work for me and I’ll make sure to keep my promise to you and your family”.

He turned back to you with a cold fury in his eyes that was both terrifying and beautiful at the same time. “Go home, (Y/N). I’ll deal with you when I get back”.

A part of you didn’t want to leave, but you were partially terrified of what he might do to you if you insisted on staying. Besides, it was becoming difficult to stay on your feet, weariness and nausea coursing through you r body. You did what he demanded without a second thought.


	7. Making it work

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, in case this is confusing to you guys, this all starts in Tom's POV. I kept trying to avoid going that direction, but seriously, it just fits. It gives everyone a glimpse into what's going on in his mind, all that actually happened with how he got caught, and some of the reasons why he is mad with the reader. There may also be another pretty huge secret that Tom is holding close to his chest, so lets see if you guys can catch all the alluding. I apologize if you guys hate it. Also, if you guys go back to some of the previous chapters, I've done some editing and whatever to fix some issues that were pointed out. So feel free to comment more because I do actually take the criticisms and attempt to fix them.
> 
> Thank you so much for sticking with the story guys!

Tom’s POV

 

Leaving your side was one of the hardest things he had ever done. After the scare of the previous night, he was sure that there was something deeper on your mind that you hadn’t shared yet. It drove him insane to be unable to help you.

Tom left the master bedroom, sincerely regretting that he had to, joining William in the hallway before practically sprinting to the stables.

He stopped to grab A’zariah and sent her up to you, wishing that there was more he could do for the incredible woman who had just walked into his life at the most inopportune moment. His heart skipped as the memory of waking up to you in his arms.

“What went wrong, William?” He asked, a bit rougher than he intended.

“One of our contacts from the ship sent a message saying that there was to be a surprise inspection on the shipment”, William explained quickly. “The inspection will take place in just a few minutes and the family will su rely be found if we don’t get there first, sir”.

Tom wondered to himself what might brought on this surprise inspection, thinking over his enemies in a desperate hope that he hadn’t been found out, not for his sake but for yours.

“I suppose we will just have to do our best to get there first”.

Without another word, the two of them rode off into the darkness.

It was odd how everything around him reminded him of you. He did his very best to make sense of the strength of his feelings, but they were beyond his understanding. It just felt right. He tried to ignore the pang of guilt he felt at feeling such a fast and unexplainable love for you, but it persisted the longer he was without your embrace.

But he couldn’t be clouded with thoughts of your right now. He must focus if he is going to save Kalieb and his family.

The harbor was filled with very few workers at dinner time, so hopefully Tom could find a place to hide them during t he inspection. He tried to appear calm as he strode onto the ship, its billowing white sails signaling that it was indeed prepared to embark as soon as it was given permission to do so. He always loved seeing those sails.

Without another glance around, he opened the door to the cargo hold and quickly entered inside. The musty air wasn’t altogether pleasant, but it barely crossed his mind as Tom searched the bundles of cotton for Kalieb.

“Kalieb, my friend”, he whispered softly. “We’ve got to get your family out of here now. It seems that you might be found out if we don’t get you out of here now”. In an instant, the sides of three bundles popped out as the sweating forms of Kalieb, his wife Nevaeh, and their daughter Elarose came into view.

“Sir, you told us that we were gonna be safe! That no one wou’d suspect!” Kalieb began panicking.

 “I am sincerely sorry that I can’t make that happen at this moment”, Tom answered regret fully. “But I’m begging you to please follow me before we get caught and hung before I can fulfill my promise”.

 Without another word, he began to usher them off up the stairs to the deck and hopefully, a decent hiding place. William took up the rear as Tom led them into the open air.

They had barely reached the deck when strong arms surrounded grabbed a hold of them and carried them off the ship. Tom struggled desperately, but he knew in his heart that this was the end. He said a prayer under his breath for you, that you wouldn’t be incriminated along with him.

His hands were held behind him, keeping him from fighting back the way he wished he could. The light from a few lamps illuminated the docks, revealing the face of Fenton, a cruel slave catcher said to beat his catch half to death before handing them over, and that was merciful compared to what he did to the female slaves.

 “Well, looky here”, the vile man said with a grin. “Loo ks like we’ve found both the runaways and a bloody abolitionist all in one night!” A laugh spread through the men that surrounded them.

Tom looked over at Kalieb who clearly had been hit quite badly in the scuffle. Tears streamed down Nevaeh’s face. This was bad.

“I don’t know what you are talking about, Fenton”, Tom growled out. “I came here to recover some property of mine. I don’t see how this is any of your business”.

Fenton’s sneer began to turn into something much more volatile and Tom was sure he was about to be hit himself. Fenton raised his hand threateningly, but Tom just stared him straight in the face, unafraid.

“Well, there you are!” Your voice rang out, sending a pang of terror through him. You couldn’t be here. You could be hung along with him and it would be completely his fault. And what were you doing there in the first place? All these thoughts sent Tom into a shock as he stared at your approaching figure.< /p>

 Fenton began making conversation with you, clearly knowing your father which helped give you credibility. Tom could do nothing but stare at you. You looked utterly confident in a dress that was much more appropriate than the clothing you had been wearing lately. It was as if you knew his secret, but he truly had no idea how you did.

He broke out of his shock as you grabbed his hand, feigning innocence that was truly the most believable thing he had ever seen. The words “wedding present” rang through his head as he realized what you were trying to get them to believe. Yet, as he watched you look over Kalieb and his family, you almost fooled him. “What if she does think this is a present?” He thought to himself. It was as if everything inside of him was revolted with the idea. You weren’t capable of cruelty towards another human being. Or, at least he hoped you weren’t.

 To his complete surprise, Fenton believed you and the pressure around Tom's hands lifted, allowing him to move once more. It was all he could do not to hold you and instantly start asking if you were alright, but he couldn’t. He had to take care of Kalieb and his family first.

“I’m sorry”, you begin to say.

He just held up his hand. He could take that conversation quite yet. He had to take them home first. He tried to hide his fury, his concern, but if the look on your face was any indication, he was probably failing.

“Not now”, he whispered as he turned towards Kalieb. “Looks like we are going to have to figure out another way to get you out of here. For the mean time, come back to work for me and I’ll make sure to keep my promise to you and your family”.

Kalieb nodded in response before picking up his daughter in his arms and holding his crying wife.

He turned back to you, finding you still standing there, which for some reason infuriated him more. “Go home, (Y/N). I’ll deal with you when I g et back”.

Regret coursed through him as Tom watched you retreat back to the horse you had rode and leave quickly, as though afraid. He never meant to scare you, but you couldn’t get involved like that ever again. He couldn’t lose you like that.

William was waiting patiently by the horses as the group began their long trek back to Tom’s plantation.

 

Your POV:

               

 

That emptiness began coursing through you once more by the time you had arrived back in the room you had been staying in. Tom was angry and you hated that he was angry at you. It absolutely blew your mind that it hurt so much to be without him, but at the same time, it almost felt natural. Stepping in and saving him didn’t take a second thought.

You were becoming increasingly nauseous as your head pounded painfully. It was probably not the best idea to run after Tom in the cold night, but you couldn’t find it in you to care.

A’zariah tried to help calm you down, ensuring you that things would be fine, that Tom wouldn’t be too mad, but you just found yourself panicking more and more. You sat down on the bed and began pulling your shoes off in hopes that you might be able to relax better with them off. 

It took about an hour, but Tom finally came bursting through the door with a flurry of anger that caused you to jump. A’zariah quickly exited the room as his eyes focused on yours with an intensity that had you shaking. A thick silence settled in the room as you waited for him to say something.

“What… were… you… thinking?!”He began, fury spilling through every word. You looked up at him as your heart found your own anger to strengthen you.

“Well obviously I was thinking that you needed help, but if you would have just preferred I had left you there to get hung along with that poor family, I’m sorry”, you retorted sarcastically.

He huffed before pinning you with a look that could kill if it was possible. “You could have gotten yourself killed! You came running into a very dangerous situation without thinking twice! You should have just stayed here where you could have rested instead of putting yourself in danger!”

“You are one to talk!” You were yelling now. “You are doing this incredibly dangerous thing that could have you put to death and you probably would have been if I hadn’t stepped in! You have no right to get mad at me for saving you from the danger you are willingly putting yourself in!”

“This is what I do! I’ve had a longer life and I’ve already come to terms with the fact that I might lose my life doing this. You won’t give your life up for this. I won’t let you!” He was yelling back. The whole house could probably hear you at this point, but this was an argument that wasn’t about to be settled quietly.

“You are about to be married, Thomas! You can’t ask me to be ok with you giving up your life because I certainly haven’t come to terms with that!” The words slipped out much easier than you thought they would, but you barely paid any attention to them. “You don’t want me to put my life on the line for a cause I feel just as strongly about? Then stop doing it yourself!”

His nostrils were flaring as he took a deep breath and exhaled, clearly trying to calm himself, but that dangerous look on his face didn’t leave. You couldn’t deny that it was probably the most beautiful thing you had ever seen and it awakened those desires inside of you from earlier, but your anger foreshadowed all of those things.

“How did you even find out?” Tom growled out between clenched teeth.

 “Yesterday from the window in the library I saw your place the slave family into the cotton bundles”.

 “And why exactly did you not say a word? Why didn’t you turn me in?” He took a step towards you and you partially wished you weren’t sitting on the bed so you could take a step backwards. It was instinctual.

“I wouldn’t say anything”, you angrily retorted. “Not only do I fully support it, but I want you to keep your promise to me to share everything about your life with me, which includes this”.

“No”, he interrupted quickly. “Not going to happen”. He took another step towards you and was nearly leaning over you.

You leaned forward, breaking off his intimidation. “You don’t get to make that decision, Tom. The moment that you think that you can make decisions like this for me is the moment you will lose me”. He backed away, but you stayed in his space, turning his own strategy against him, even though it forced you to stand up, which nearly revealed your weakness at the moment. 

“The only way I will not willing give my life for this cause just as you regularly do is if you stop. You have to admit that I saved you out there and if it wasn’t for me, you’d be unable to help other slave families”.  You were in his space now and enjoyed the way he backed away every time you got too close for his liking.

“I can’t do that”, he growled softly, holding his stance this time, resulting in your bodies being barely a hair’s breadth away. “I can’t let you do this”

You smile deviously, sensing it wouldn’t take much more to push him where you wanted him. “I don’t think you really have a choice, Thomas. I’m going to follow you to the ends of earth, through fire fights and death sentences whether you like it or not. If you have a problem with that, go find another woman to marry”.

Tom sighed and looked away, a pained look coming over his face. This was truly difficult for him, but it didn’t really matter to you. He was going to be yours and he wasn’t going to go off giving up his life to this without you right by his side.

“This isn’t going to be easy, (Y/N) ”, he whispered, still obviously irritated.

“I guess we’ll just figure this out, partner”. You winked up at him before capturing his lips with your own as if settling the contract.


	8. Disagreements

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is basically a chapter of angst! Beware the smut at the end!!!   
> Also, dark tom makes an appearance and he will continue to :) I'm very fond of that darkness that hides under his adorable puppy face
> 
> Comments are so appreciated!

Sun streamed through the open windows, hitting your closed eyelids frustratingly as your body sincerely desired more sleep. As happy as you were to intervene the night before, it took a dangerous toll on your body. Every inch of you ached and you felt incredibly nauseous. There was a particular sore spot around your chest which informed you that you had forgotten to take off your tight riding clothing.

With a bit of effort, you sat up, waking up fully. As your eyes drifted to the other side of bed, dearly hoping Tom had come back sometime during the night, only to find it empty. The image of his lanky figure striding out of the room furiously rose in your mind, sending a pang of that same loneliness aching through your already unhappy body. As much as you tried to shake it, the feeling grew, bringing back that same emptiness that sincerely scared you.

You weren’t going to bother him, you told yourself firmly. With your declaration of being his partner, you had seemingly angered him more than you had throughout the whole argument. It would not be wisdom to run into his arms until he got used to the idea. No matter how much you wanted to.

Something about this dependency on him scared you. Perhaps it was just the pain that brought this on, but it wasn’t something you were fond of. You had always prided yourself on having an independent mind and heart, but this was unlike anything you had experienced. Perhaps that’s why he didn’t want to be partners. You probably appeared too frail to him.

Tears came unbidden to your eyes but you succeeded at keeping them from falling, setting your shoulders back in a new found confidence that would surely convince him. With a ring of the bell for A’zariah, you began your day with a strength that you dearly hoped would be more than acting by the end of the day.

 

Dressed in your prettiest white lace dress, you entered confidently into Tom’s library, sure he would appreciate the clothing choice. Not that it was just for him. You enjoy dressing in something other than night clothes, even if it was just around Tom’s home.

He was sprawled in his chair, focused completely on his studies when you had interrupted him. The look on his face was clearly annoyed until he recognized your face, turning into something indecipherable yet much like a wince. His eyes had deep purple bags under them that clearly showed his exhaustion.

Darling, I really don’t have very much time at this moment”, he said with an attractive, gravelly voice.

You walk over to the front of the wooden desk, walking in a way that would allow the dress to do its job of showing off the curves of your body. His face didn’t change, but it was clear he was watching you out of the corner of his eyes.

Perhaps I can help”, you offered, you voice low and soft. “You look a bit exhausted… Maybe you need a break, or even an extra set of eyes”.

Tom sighed and brought his hands to his face, pinching the bridge of his nose. You hated seeing him so frustrated and exhausted. There was a part of you that ached to help him in whatever way.

“(Y/N)”, he began. “I just do not have time for a break. Maybe you could come back later when I could spare a minute. I would be glad to entertain you then”.

Anger spread through your bones. “I don’t need to be entertained, Thomas”. You step around the desk to stand next to his side. “You need help and as your partner, that’s what I’m here for”. If you had been looking at him, you would have seen his face cringe as he heard the word partner, but your eyes were too busy looking over papers on the desk.

There seemed like so much to look at, clearly something to do with his business, but most of it just seemed a jumble of numbers. It appeared that he was looking over monthly statements.

Now what seems to be the issue?” You ask in the most commanding voice you could muster.

Tom just stared at you for a moment while you continued to look over the pages, trying to get him to focus and let you help. You were sure that if you could just convince him that you were not just a pretty face for a future wife, he would be willing to have you as his partner.

There are some inconsistencies between the numbers here from the income and the numbers given out between the monthly overview. Quite a bit of money is missing and if there is not that income there, the business will be in danger”, he finally explained. Your face probably showed your worry to him, but when you glanced at him, he was studying the pages once again. He picked up a piece of paper and began explaining it in detail as you worked to help him find the problem.

The two of you spent the rest of the afternoon searching together through stacks of paper, everything from merchandise cost to shipping. It seemed like there were just piece after complicated piece to this whole mess, but you had never enjoyed learning something more. He was an incredible teacher.

Many times as you sat together, you struggled to keep your thoughts on the work as the image of him taking one of those discipline rods and playfully punishing you with it, as teachers in your childhood had punished you when you had been naughty, before taking you on top of that beautiful wooden desk. It was definitely an inappropriate picture that your mind chided you for each time. You kept asking yourself what could be so pleasurable about discipline to try and understand this new fantasy, yet only resulting in a dampness steadily growing between your legs.

There were many pieces of paper to search through and once Tom explained what you were searching for, the two of you went through them all much faster. You found it peaceful to pace as your eyes searched through the endless streams of numbers.

A maid walked in around tea time to interrupt the work. You quickly realized that your stomach had abandoned the feeling of nausea for a gnawing hunger. Tom looked refreshed himself as the two of you sat together around the mess that at once been his organized desk. His curls resembled that desk, strewn here and there in an adorable way that made you smile softly to yourself.

Another sip of your tea and the comfortable silence between the both of you began to bore you. Your eyes wandered back to the papers, catching them on a piece of paper near the back. It looked just like the rest of them, except that the top expense was for some popular clothing in Charleston. With increasing curiosity, you picked up the sheet for closer inspection. There was a great deal of money for this dress store that didn’t quite fit the company.

Tom”, you said, catching his attention. His blue eyes bore into your curiously, so intense you nearly forgot what you were going to ask him about. “Is there any particular reason you would spend a lot of money at a dress shop?”

He held out his hand for the paper and inspected it with surprise when you handed it to him. “None whatsoever. We help make cotton, but we don’t really have any need for dresses. Who would go out and buy dresses in the name of the company?” He asked, almost to himself.

There was silence for a second as you let him think over the issue. After a minute, he sent you the first brilliant smile you had seen all day.

It appears that my betrothed could use some new dresses”, Tom said with a wink and a peck on your cheek before going to prepare the carriage. You stared longingly after him, part of you wishing that he would stop leaving you so miserably alone. You weren’t sure what you had wished he would have done, whether it was take you into his arms and be thankful or excited even that you found the answer he was looking for.

 

The carriage ride to Charleston was relatively pleasant, though very little conversation occurred. You watched him carefully out of the side your eye, sincerely trying to understand what you did wrong or if he was still mad at you. It was infuriating to be on his bad side and have him be so cold to you.

His blue eyes only met yours twice; once when your hands barely brushed as he helped you into the carriage and when you made a side comment about the weather which be responded with nothing more than a blank stare. He seemed more detached than angry. You weren’t entirely sure which would bother you more.

The drive to the dress shop seemed to take forever, when in all reality it was a very short trip. The streets of Charleston were bustling around in the hot summer sun, filled with elegant women, proud men, and heart wrenching slaves that simply followed their masters around. All because they had a different color of skin. You shook your head to yourself, blinking back the tears and anger that threatened to spill into your calm demeanor.

You opened your parasol as your feet hit the cobblestone street, shading your face from the sun that would surely blemish it. Tom joined you after a second, his set face continuing to keep you out of his thoughts. He was different in public than he was when the two of you were alone. The kind vulnerability gave way to a charming, yet distant personality. Without a word, he held out his arm for you to hold onto before entering the store.

The miserable heat of the store made you feel bad for the workers surrounded by layers of cloth. There were a few women there fanning themselves with their delicate fans before hurriedly standing at the sound of the door bell ringing. One of them, clearly the manager composed herself much faster than her companion and greeted the both of you.

Hello, Sir! How may I be able to help you today?” She asked amiably, a smile lighting up her rather plain, yet flushed face. She was very tall, just a few inches from Tom’s height and rather slight, but there was an elegance in her being that clearly made her more beautiful, just in a less obvious way.

“I was actually looking to buy a dress for my wonderful fiancé, if that would be possible”, Tom answered with his dazzling smile. Never once did his eyes meet yours, but from an outside observer, he would have looked like an attentive protector. The saleswoman was taken aback by the beautiful smile that always seemed to stun you and you felt a wave of jealousy run through you.

“Of course! We have all sort of dresses and colors! Is there anything specifically you were looking for?” And on they went. Tom gave out colors and styles as if he was well versed in women’s clothing and you were hurried away to be measured.

The other lady who had been sitting fanning herself was taking a tape measure to a lot of places you always hated to have measured. You were always too small, or too big. It was never just good enough for you, so you tried to drown out the discomfort as the numbers were rattled out by the curvy woman who was measuring you.

She had dark brunette hair and light gray eyes that gave her an almost unearthly beauty, but she unfortunately seemed to have a large scar over her eye that would have forced her to lose most suitors. Scars were never a beautiful thing on a woman. You were curious as to how she got it, but you were sure that it would just offend her as she bustled around with the tape measure.

As soon as you were measured, hoops and dresses were slipped over your head to try on. You felt a bit like a doll being dressed up by little girls. It wasn’t terrible, but it certainly wasn’t the most interesting thing.

The first dress they slipped on you had all sorts of ruffles in a taffeta pink color that seemed rather silly to you. Without a word, they shuffled you out to the place where Tom was waiting patiently. It appeared that you were going to be shown off to him. The look on his face as he saw the pink clearly spoke of the same amusement that you felt. It was a very ridiculous and unpractical dress, but the women had assumed that this was meant for some party or important event where you would need to be shown off.

Dress after dress was put on you, in all different colors and for all different occasions. Your favorite was a deep green and silver color that looked rather elegant on you. Tom nearly met your eyes as he spent a long time taking in your appearance in that dress, but quickly looked away to the manager with a nod.

The manager never really left his side, much to your annoyance, but you trusted him. They seemed to always be in the middle of a conversation when you entered the room, clearly talking about something very important. You were sure that Tom would get the information he needed, just wished that he would let you be part of it. Your curiosity was burning you up on the inside.

Finally, you put the last dress on, a simple baby blue color with a large bustle in the back. Tom paused his conversation and took the dress in just like he had with all the previous dresses, this time meeting your eyes. His brilliant blue eyes reminded you of the dress, except there was obviously a storm going on behind that clear ocean blue color. The look couldn’t have last more than a few seconds, but it was enough for you to know he didn’t hate you.

With a nod back towards the manager, he stood up and rattled off which dresses and accessories he wanted before having you sent back out of the room to change. As the laces of your bodice were being undone, you realized that most of your body was shaking. If one look could do that… You couldn’t allow yourself to finish that thought, focusing on something else that might be more calming before someone realized the state you were in physically.

With a goodbye and a promise that the order would be delivered in a few days time, you took Tom’s arm once more and followed him outside. You prayed silently that he wouldn’t realize that your hand was clammy against his sleeve. Without a single word, he helped you into the carriage, got in himself, and began the journey back to his home.

You had expected silence once again, only to find that he was going to share the information he discovered. “I apologize if that was an uncomfortable situation for you. I do promise that it resulted in getting the answers we were searching for”, he began, not quite meeting your gaze.

You were silent, simply waiting for him to continue.

“It turns out that a rich woman goes to that dress shop at least once a week”. Your face probably showed your confusion as you weren’t sure how that was a surprising fact. “She enjoys flaunting that her husband’s wealth has greatly increased recently. Apparently, he hadn’t been making quite enough for weekly presents as a manager for my company”. He raised an eyebrow and shook his he head while he explained this. “A few weeks ago, her husband came to her with some extra money, saying that he had gotten a raise and that’s been happening every week now”.

“But… I don’t understand”, you began, searching his face for the answers your curiosity was desperate for. “If you had given him a raise, wouldn’t that be in the books? There was nothing outside of the ordinary in the pay sheets that mentioned a raise”.

“That’s the point”. His face was grim, a furious anger hiding just underneath the surface. “It appears that a trusted employee is stealing from my company”.

“Do you know who it is?” You ask softly, hoping to not have that fury turned towards you.

He let out a small laugh that was clearly not his usual laugh. There was a promise in it that made shivers run up and down your body. “My darling, I know exactly who the man is and rest assured that he will be put to justice”.

The words on your tongue fell silent at his words. It was eerie seeing him so dark instead of his usual self, yet at the same time there was something about it that made you want him. The storm under his gentle demeanor was beautiful and dangerous all mixed into one. You supposed that you should be scared of that darkness, but it mixed beautifully with the fire inside of you.

 

The rest of the ride had been completely silent as you watched him as he watched the scenery pass by stonily. Without a word, he helped you to your room and left you to change. You blink away tears at the distance growing between the two of you. You changed into clothes that you could eat dinner in and looked at yourself in the mirror.

You were wearing a mint green dress that reminded you of the emerald green one you had tried on in the store. It made you looked curvy and simplistically beautiful. It was just what you needed to find the confidence to say what you needed to say.

With a slam, you opened the library doors angrily. Tom looked startled as you broke his reverie and made an incredibly impolite entrance. Your hands went to your hips, very aware that it made the curve of your bottom more pronounced. He simply stared at you, completely in shock.

“Thomas William Hiddleston”, you began, sure that the use of his full name would be enough to get his attention. “How dare you ignore your guest and fiancé! Were you born in a barn perhaps? If you were a true gentleman, you would tell me whatever terrible thing I did to you so we can get past the issue”.

Tom looked at you with a death glare as you insulted him as a gentleman. He stood very slowly and walked around his desk. Inwardly, you grinned that you finally got a reaction out of him.

As a gentleman, it is my duty to keep issues and problems to myself as to not distract you from your duties”. He found the chink in your armor. “It would be rude of me to take your mind off more important things, such as clothing and children”.

Anger soared inside of you and your fist clenched at your sides. “Perhaps I wouldn’t have to be distracted if you would simply do your job right, instead of forcing a mere woman to come and save you”, you sneered. “What kind of man does that make you if you need me to help to get your job done?”

He was breathing hard, as if he had just run a mile. His nostrils were flaring with fury as he slowly stalked towards you. “I’d stop that if I were you”, he threatened. He was terrifying, but it only made you want to push him over the edge more.

Well, you aren’t me”, you answered. “I’m me and I get to make my own decisions. You don’t get to decide what I’m going to do and if I want to be your partner and help you out, how dare you refuse me that as your future wife?”

Tom took another step. He was now towering over you with that deep angry look, hot with fury. “Did you ever consider, darling, that I’m just trying to keep you safe? That perhaps I’m trying to make sure that you aren’t destroyed by my choices? Or were you just too childish to recognize my selflessness?”

“Selfless?!” You nearly screamed. “How is expecting me to give up on everything I’ve ever dreamed of selfless? How would leaving me a widow to one of the best men I have ever known remotely selfless? Please, tell me how any of this proves you care for me! Because if you really did, you’d let me be your partner in everything, not just the things you feel comfortable with”

With your words, you finally pushed him over the edge as he grabbed a handful of your hair and shoved his face against yours. You weren’t expecting him to be so forceful, but you quickly recovered, violently pressing the kiss deeper. Skill disappeared only to be replaced by pure passion. You held on for dear life, you own hands fisted deep in his curls. His arms held you tightly to his body, pressing every curve against what felt like solid muscle.

Your body felt like it was on fire. A part of you believed you would die in the inferno of flame, but somehow, you survived as the fire only burned hotter. Your tongue battled with his as if you were fighting to live. Each breath breathed each other in, selfishly owning ever exhale without any willingness to share.

You had barely noticed yourself being moved backward until your back was pressed against the wall. Tom’s hands reached under your knees to bring them up around his waist, using the wall to support your weight with very little effort, but you hardly noticed as you clung to him. He pressed all his weight against you, pinning you to the wall. Your dress had ventured up to your waist, but your stupid pantaloons were keeping your bare core from the hard erection grinding against the cotton. A hand reached to your backside and ripped the stockings in half, gathering around your ankles in shreds.

You were about to make a noise of displeasure, but those amazing fingers found your soaking wet core, causing a moan to escape your lips, only to be hungrily consumed by his mouth against yours.

Your clit throbbed as the pad of his thumb brushed across the swollen nub. His lips released yours with a lewd smack, allowing your sounds to reach the open air. Both of you were gasping for air, filling the silence of the room.

His thumb continued to rub circles on your clit while one finger slowly slipped inside you. His eyes pierced you fiercely as he took in every sound, every moan as his. A part of you was desperate to fight him, to gain the upper hand and have him be the one turning into putty, but you had lost all control you once had. Not that you minded, not really.

“That’s it”, he said breathlessly, growling just enough to send you whimpering. “I want to hear how much you need me, how much you want me. Scream my name if you must, darling, but you are mine”. The possessiveness in that statement nearly made you shove him off you, but just at that moment, the finger inside of you found that spot once again and you were once again incoherent.

“T…Tom!”You gasped as he lost all pretense and added a finger, clearly wanting you over the edge. Your whole body began to shake violently as you crested and went over the edge. It was indescribable and you loved the feeling so much.

His eyes continued to pierce you as he went to pull away and set you down, but you weren’t going to have any of that. You were going to get everything from him, end of story. Your hips swiveled against him as you clung your body tighter around him. In a moment of bravery, you kissed the skin of his neck, sucking softly as your hips continued to move instinctively against his.

A low growl literally left his lips as he pressed against you once again and began thrusting his clothed hips against your movements. His jaw clenched just like the way you dreamt it would and his lips met yours, this time more hungry than fierce.

The heavy weight that was pressing up against your core brushed against every sensitive inch of you and without a word, you were nearly over the edge once again. The rough cotton trousers were just about drenched with your juices and it was like every movement caused just the perfect amount of friction.

Darling”, he said between thrusts. “I’m.. I’m close”. His rhythm began to stutter and you knew that he didn’t want to without you. his eyes continued to simply bore into you. There was something disconcerting about the stare, but there was a depth that made you want to never look away.

"Go ahead, Tom”, you whisper back, meeting his gaze as you both fell over the edge and into oblivion


	9. Partners

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys like the chapter!!! Be sure to get back to me with any criticisms, support, or just comments in general lol Love you all

Silence enveloped the two of you as rationality hit the two of you. What just happened was highly improper to say the least, but it didn’t really matter to you at least. He had set you down on the floor so he wasn’t supporting all of your weight anymore, but he hadn’t moved. Instead, he laid soft kisses all over your face, just barely skimming the surface of your skin.

                His lips whispered your name against your skin before looking into your eyes with shame. “I am sorry. I’m so sorry”. Perhaps he regretted what had just transpired, but you dearly hoped he didn’t because you had never felt quite so exhilarated.

                Regaining enough composure, you lifted a hand to Tom’s face, tracing every line with the softest caress you could manage, memorizing every single detail.  If anyone walked in at that moment, they would have seen a sight that would have the whole city of Charleston talking fo r centuries. Your under garments were in shreds around your feet and there was an obvious stain in the crotch of Tom’s pants. You were both out of breath and glistening with sweat, yet neither of you could move.

                “I’m…” he whispered softly, nuzzling your neck. “I’m so sorry. I should have… I didn’t mean to…”

                “Shhhh…” you interrupted him. “Do not be concerned. I pushed you over the edge. I wanted this, Tom”, you reassured softly, kissing the side of his face as he bent to keep his head on your shoulder.

                In a quick movement that startled you, he raised his head to stare into your eyes. The hardness there had melted to something altogether vulnerable. You were lost in the depths of those blues.

                Your mind barely registered the words he said until a moment after he said them. “Darling, why would you ever intentionally do such a thing?”

                You shrugged, knowing full well the answer, but wishing to be coy you kept the answer to yourself. Because the truth was that you wanted him in a way that was highly improper, yet you wanted his mind and soul just as much as you ever wanted his body. You couldn’t stand the lack of connection that had developed between the two of you.

                The look he gave you quickly told you that he didn’t believe your lie, but he moved on without dealing with the issue. Without a word, Tom took a step back from you and bent to retrieve the shreds still hanging around your ankles.

                “I apologize for shredding these”, he repented, holding the scraps up. “I can become… highly impatient when I lose my temper. I shall never lay a hand on you if that is not your desire, but I’m afraid I may take out some of that impatience on those things keep ing me from the object of my desire”. A small smile played on his lips as he explained this, and it warmed your insides brilliantly.

                You let out a small giggle and smile back at him. “Well, I don’t know that I mind, but it is not as if I have an endless supply of underpants”, you tease. He gave his own laugh, a sort of ‘ehehehe’ that turned him from the fierce and unstoppable man to something resembling a puppy.

                “I do promise to keep that in mind in the future, darling”, he said with a wink before stopping suddenly with an alarming look. “I mean, of course, if you would wish… to uhh… continue such things”. A red blush began to spread across his beautiful face and at that moment, you decided you had never seen anything so adorable.

                “hmm…” You hummed softly as if thinking deeply. After a second of torturing him, you bound back into his ar ms and planted a kiss on those amazingly soft lips. “I am rather inclined to say yes, my dear Tom. Nothing would please me more”.

                Instead of answering with words, he simply leaned down to capture your mouth once again, allowing you to feel the smile that sat on those same lips. All the passion had eased into something softer, yet more intimate. It was like a promise for more without a specific plan for when more would happen.

                It was a short kiss and he released you quickly, staring into your eyes fondly for a moment for releasing you from his arms. There was something in his stride that had more strength to it, even though his pants were clearly a different picture. You tried to fight the desire to see him without them, to have him see you without all of your clothing, but it was difficult to shove down.

                “Darling”, he said, breaking your reverie. He seemed t o be deep in thought about something, but you weren’t entirely sure if your train of thought would even remotely match his. “How would you like to help me put this man who is hurting my company in jail? This would take some work from you on your part, but I believe we may be able to succeed as a team”.

                Something blossomed inside of you as you grinned up at your fiancé. “Definitely”

 

 

                It took three days to get the plan in place, most of which was filled with Tom explaining the inner workings of his company in detail. You didn’t say anything when he avoided the real business you wanted to be involved in, sure that he would come around the more capable you appeared.

                The only downside was your health was certainly not quite there yet and you found yourself exhausted easily. After you nearly fainted after the first day, he had been particular ly careful. It drove you insane waking up every morning in his arms, only to get a soft kiss and a “good morning”. At times, that amazing self control of his drove you insane.

                The plan was rather simple. You were hosting the man’s wife; apparently her name was Lucille Maeger, for tea this afternoon, working to find out as much information as possible while Tom would be at the factory, trying to catch the man in action. Today was the day where Maeger would be able to steal from a few different funds, which is what Tom was suspected he was doing. If Maeger denied it, they would have the testimony of the wife as a back up the accusation, hopefully getting the man to confess or perhaps just leave the company in peace.

                So your job was to be a woman, make small talk, and suddenly, that didn’t sound so terrible. It made you feel awfully clever to be going into a conversation with a purpose unknown to others. All your life, you had never heard of women slyly doing such things for information, other than the woman Delilah from the bible. And yet, it seemed like a clever woman would be much more efficient than any cleverness of a man, simply because no one ever expected such intelligence in a woman.

                 The biggest issue would be treating a woman who was clearly beneath your station with respect, as well as getting her to open up about her shopping habits. Not that you were incapable of doing any of those things, but it was uncommon for any woman in high society to invite any woman of a lower class for something as nonchalant as afternoon tea. Your reputation was already hurting after spending nearly two weeks in a single man’s home, even if you were deathly sick. It just wasn’t done.

                You sat quietly in the rather large sun room that barely seemed to fit the average sun room you would find in most h omes. You kept your hands busy with embroidery, succeeding in hiding the shaking your hands had succumbed to. Any moment now, a servant would enter and announce the arrival of Mrs. Maeger.

                Twenty minutes earlier, Tom had walked into the room right before leaving for the factory to give you a small kiss on the cheek. If he noticed the shaking in your hands, he didn’t show any signs, smiling reassuringly and warming your heart just as it always did. He hadn’t shut you out once, sharing much more and showing you the many sides of who he was. It always amazed you how many facets hid inside that beautiful mind of his.

                Urma, the servant woman who you learned practically ran the home, entered the room softly, her head held high with a strength that most slaves would never reveal, and announced that your guest had arrived. With a warm smile, you asked that Mrs. Maeger be let in before standing from your se at in a sign of respect.

                Mrs. Maeger was a stout woman, yet someone who clearly appeared to once have had a very difficult life.  In the past, you had learned to recognize that look in people’s eyes. It spoke of a hunger, a desperation that would not be quickly lost or overrun. It is the picture of someone who just got everything they ever wanted and weren’t about to go back to the misery of making do. 

                “Hello, Mrs. Maeger!” You greet warmly, curtseying gracefully. The look of surprise on her harshly drawn face was clearly meant to be surprise and suspicion.

                She gave a clumsy courtesy back. “Please, call me Lucille, Miss”.

                “If you insist”, you answer generously. “You must call me (Y/F/N) as well”. You gestured to the settee, decorated in elegant flowers that were quite expensive to even the untrained eye. Lu cille looked around, obviously quite uncomfortable by the expensive surroundings, before taking her seat.

                “Miss, I must apologize if either myself or my husband has caused you any offense”. Her harsh southern accent was partially shaking from fear. You felt the gnawing bite of guilt, but quickly shoved the feeling down.

                “Oh, Lucille, please do not concern yourself!” You exclaimed. “I assure you that punishment is not the purpose of your invitation for tea”.

                She comically cocked her head to the side, as she visibly relaxed just slightly. “Then what exactly is that you wanted to speak to me about?” She asked curiously.

                You tried to make your smile as warm as possible, thankfully interrupted by Urma with a full tray of tea and cookies. Urma was a genuine and wise woman, knowing quickly who she could trust from the mo ment you met her. She had looked you straight in the eyes with a bravery that took you back before looking at Tom and saying, “Well Thomas, looks like you finally found a decent one”. It was probably the most brazen statement you had ever heard from a slave, but you found yourself falling in love with this amazing woman. Urma even took the time to teach A’zariah some new skills to help make her a better lady’s servant. All it took was one genuine smile towards you a she set down the tray and you felt confidence reaching your heart again.

                “In answer to your question”, you began as you poured tea for yourself and for Lucille. “I have just recently been very ill, as I’m sure you’ve heard, and have been confined to my fiancé’s home. As much as I was thrilled to see Thomas’ estate, I am dearly in need of some female conversation”. With the tea poured, you picked up your own saucer after asking if Lucille wanted any cre am or sugar, to which she politely declined. “I asked my dear Thomas if he knew any men with wonderful wives whom I might find enjoyable conversation with and he suggested yourself as a likely candidate”.

                Lucille took a sip of her tea, her hands decidedly less shaky as she thought over a response. “That is very kind of you, miss”, she finally said. “I apologize for my alarm. You cannot imagine the worry that went through my mind when I received your invitation. Never before have I been invited to such a place”. Her pudgy hands gestured around her at the splendor surrounding her.

                “I can understand actually. My father’s home is hardly this grand. I’ve been very fortunate to be engaged to Thomas”.

                Conversation began to flow easily as you went through nearly every single topic you could think of. Lucille was a brassy woman with a dry humor that you f ound endearing. It was difficult for you to keep in mind that you were going to hurt both her and her husband, especially since you would genuinely be alright with becoming friends with her.

                About an hour or two later, you decide to casually mention her husband and his job. Apparently it was his job to watch over shipments and the other workers. He held a rather high position in the company that obviously allowed him to make the changes in funds for his own desires. It appeared that she was quite unaware of her husband’s activities beyond what she was capable of bragging about to her social connections.

                In that moment, you had never hated the world you lived in more. Women everywhere were not allowed to learn about business, or go to school, or anything really beyond the wifely duties expected of them and so many women would pay for their ignorance. Lucille was just an innocent woman, caught in the c ross hairs of her husband’s action and she would probably have to live with the humiliation brought on by what Thomas was about to do for the rest of her life.

                The quiet conversation was interrupted by a very loud bang that made both of you jump. A roaring voice could be heard from the foyer.

                “I have no idea what you are talking about, Sir!” called out the voice. “How dare you insult my honor as a gentleman!”

                With a cringe, you quickly entered the foyer to see Tom and Mr. Maeger standing in rather threatening positions. Mr. Maeger was a rather stout just like his wife, but Lucille was actually taller than him. Tom towered over the small man without even trying.

                “I have no wish to subject the gentle natures of your wife or my beloved to this conversation, so I will please ask you to return to the study if you are truly the gentleman you call yourself”, Tom commanded quietly.

                Mr. Maeger’s face was as red as a tomato as he pointed a finger in Tom’s face furiously. “I will not sit there and be accused of being a thief!” He turned to Lucille. “We are leaving this place at once!”

                Just as they both turned to leave, confusion clearly speaking through every feature of Lucille’s face, Tom stopped them. “Leave if you wish, but you will force me to call the police and have you arrested for your actions against me and my company”.

                Lucille turned to Tom after searching her husband’s face. “Dan, what is Mr. Hiddleston talking about? What is it you have done?”

                “Be quiet, woman! This is no business of yours!” Responded Mr. Maeger.

                “But Daniel! Why would he call the police? Please…”

                “What did I say?!!! Not one more word out of you!!!” He screamed in her face.

                “That is quite enough!” The whole room stopped as your voice rose above the noise and fighting. Mr. Meager looked furious at being interrupted yet again, but you weren’t about to hear such mistreatment.

                “Lucille”, you began. “My fiancé has a highly esteemed company in which your husband is employed. There has been some very concerning inconsistencies in the money books and it has all been traced back to the man standing beside you”. Lucille looked at her husband in shock and Mr. Maeger’s face was becoming comically redder than you ever thought possible. “We have no wish to bring this to the authorities due to the shame it will bring you, Lucille, but this cannot be condoned”.

                “How… Dare you!!!!!!” Mr. Maeger shouted at you. Had not Tom stepped between the wretched man and yourself, there was no doubt that you may have been physically injured.

                “Mr. Maeger, you have one last chance. Leave the company and my family in peace, or I will personally get the authorities involved”, Tom promised. His voice and stance had taken on such a protective quality that sent shivers down your spine.

                Without another word, Mr. Maeger left in a fury. Lucille was just standing in shock near the door. You quickly ran to her side and got her attention.

                “I am so sorry for what you must be going through”, you comfort, brushing tears away from her cheeks. “But you must speak wisdom into your husband. We have no desire to put you through that dishonor, but he may not give us a choice in the matter”.

                Lucille smiled softly through her tears and nodded before following her husband outside. The silence seemed to become oppressive in a moment, leaving you with a shaking coursing through out your legs. The whole thing was wearing on your already poor health.

                You had nearly collapsed on the ground when you felt a strong pair of arms go around your waist, supporting you. You leaned back into the comforting warmth of Tom. He softly nuzzled the top of your head, planting soft kisses here and there. Together you stood there in silence until all sense of time had drifted away, everything in perfection with an undeniable closeness that warmed every inch of your soul.


	10. Crashing and Burning

When does home stop being home? Is home a place, a feeling, or perhaps even the people who inhabit a place? 

These were all questions that ransacked your mind as you took in the familiar surroundings of your garden. The place where you had secret meeting, the place where you hid from your governess, the place where you told Jackson you were engaged to some stranger. This was once the place you called home, but something had changed. All your surroundings had become cold and those memories that had been highlighted in color turned black and white. 

The morning, the Doctor had visited just long  enough to determine that your health was strong enough to handle a journey back home. You had a slight cough, but other than that, you were free to leave. Your father had you packed and out of Tom's beautiful plantation within the hour. 

Now you were back home with a mother bustling here and there with wedding preparations. You had never seen your mother so involved with something before. Perhaps marrying off your only daughter was worthy cause for celebration.

Many brides would be happy, or perhaps even excited at this time, but you had just gone numb. Without Tom, your world went dull and colorless. In retrospect, that was not remotely healthy and you knew that, but what else did you have? Your closest childhood friend and lover abandoned your side in the guise of sacrifice. Your parents were marrying you off to a man that they weren't even familiar with for the sake of money. 

With Tom, you found a purpose. Before him, it was to get married, be a good wife, have children, and keep a home. Now you had the chance to change things and help people! You could truly make a difference by marrying him. 

Why couldn't you be happy with that? Why were you so conflicted about the easy choice you would ever have to make?

As much as you wished you weren't, it was clear that you were still in love with Jackson. A way from everything you knew and were comfortable with, you could bury those feelings. They didn't exist in Tom's arms. Here, they were everywhere as the memories smacked you in the face. You were only gone from your home for two and a half weeks, yet it felt like a lifetime. 

The summer leaves were starting to change their colors, taking on the brilliant reds and browns of fall. Your wedding was going to be in the best time of the year for a wedding, neither too hot or too cold. Had you had many girl friends, they would be chattering with excitement for the wedding of the year. Most of Charleston would be there. But you wouldn't really care about most of the faces of your guests. They would be there for social purposes, not you or Tom. 

The whole ordeal seemed an exhausting one to you. Why even put yourself through the work of putting on a show for everyone? 

"Angel"

You practically jumped off the bench when that deep voice broke your concentration. Why did it have to be him? Why did your heart still have to throb every time you heard his voice?

Slowly, you turned your gaze to Jackson's face. There was so much concern unsuccessfully hiding in those dark features. A fresh wave of pain washed over you as you saw him for the first time since he gave up on you. 

The silence was so thick as he took in your frail appearance. The sickness had ravaged your physical state more than you had realized at first, but you were recovering. Guilt washed over his features so visibly. 

"I..." He began, taking a step towards you. You responded by standing up and taking a step backwards, keeping the distance. He paused as he took in your fearful reaction. "I am so sorry, Angel", he practically whispered. 

Tears stung at your eyes, threatening to pour down your face. "Why?" You manage to whisper back. In that moment, you would have given anything to be numb. You were so overwhelmed this stabbing pain in your heart. "Why would you be sorry? It's not like you care anyways", you accuse bitterly. 

He looked taken back, almost offended by the idea. "I did what I did because I care", he pleaded softly. He took another step closer."I could never not care about you, (Y/N)"

"I'm not sure I believe that anymore", you whisper with a shake of your head. 

Another step closer. Silence met your ears as he stared at you intensely. "When I heard that you had run away and almost died because of what I said to you, I almost went and jumped off a cliff myself. I couldn't believe that you had loved me so much! I am so sorry, angel, for making you believe I didn't care". Another step. You were barely inches from each other. With a tilt of your head, you would brush your nose against his. He was begging you to hear him out and the conflict inside of you turned into a full out war, each side of you determined to win over the other.

A large, rough hand reached up to your face, cup ping the side of it and bringing your eyes up to meet his. His eyes were so genuine, full of their own tears as he moved in closer to kiss you. 

At first you were in shock. There was no reacting as he lips kissed yours gently, yet never releasing you. His tongue searched for entrance that you weren't sure you wanted to give him. The war was raging in your head and you were sure that if it continued, you were going to be admitted into a sanitarium.

Jackson released you after a second, stopping only far enough away that his lips weren't pressed against yours. "I want to give you what you've asked me for. Let's run away together", he pleaded so softly only you could hear. 

You didn't wait another second.  You let the side in love with Jackson win and you kissed him fiercely. There was no pause in his actions as he pulled your body against his to deepen the kiss entirely. It was a beautiful symphony inside of you as your ignored your own guilt coursing through your chest. An image that didn't involve this crazy wedding or fancy dresses drove you to the brink of happiness. 

The two of you were so caught up in the moment that the only thing that caused you to break away was the  sound of a sharp gasp.

Jackson jumped away from you as you caught the glimpse of a house servant running inside with what she just saw. You had been discovered.

Panic was the only way to explain how you felt. He'd be killed, if not you as well. You looked into his face and saw that same fear resounding in you. 

"Jackson! You need to run now! If they catch you before you have a chance to hide, you aren't going to last the night!"

And for once, you were thankful of all that time that the two of you had to plan for this moment.

Jackson nodded before kissing you on the cheek. "I will see you again, Angel. I ain't leaving this place unless I leave with you", he whispered. You didn't have the chance to respond before he went sprinting away. He knew the routes to take, the people to find.

Even though you knew he would be ok, that fear still burned within you.

Now it was time to do your part.

You let out a piercing scream, hating that you were betraying him. This was the part of the plan he came up with and made you agree to do. It was the only way to protect yourself. 

So many people came running from the house at the sound of your screams. You played the part well, telling everyone that a slave had tried to molest you in the garden. Sympathy was met all around. 

No one didn't believe you and you hated yourself for every second of it. 

 

 

A knock resounded on your bedroom door. You had escaped the concerned people and were hidden away from everyone to endure your trauma. Fortunately, you were able to make a request for a certain visitor that would truly be able to help your situation. 

"Come in", you whispered softly.

Tom enter ed the room hesitantly. Concern marred his features as he took in your calm state. In retrospect, you were supposed to be a blubbering mess right now, but you weren't going to play a part with him. 

It was time he knew the truth.

 


	11. Betrayal and Secret Plans

Word by word, you explained everything. Starting years ago with how you and Jackson became friends until the very moment that occurred only hours ago. Tom barely blinked, or breathed for that matter. You couldn't quite look at him, but he never stopped looking at you. 

It was like being on trial for murder and guilt poured over you wave by wave, yet you couldn't muster tears. You didn't want his sympathy. In this circumstance, he had every right in the world to hate you more than any other human, to call in your father and have you arrested, to put you away permanently with no hope of winning his heart back. You made no excuses, no lies and just laid the truth out for him to make an estimation on. 

He never said anything. Not a single sound escaped his lips, nor the slightest exhale. It was as if he had become a statue intent on staring you down for eternity. Perhaps he was debating within himself what to do or if he should even care anymore, but you had no clue what thoughts ran through his head. And it wasn't your right to ask anymore. 

You had no right to ask him for help. You didn't deserve his help, but you had to try. Begging him was out of the question; he either would or he wouldn't, but it took most of your will power to ask him without tears. 

Finishing your plea, you finally met his eyes. Those beautiful blue eyes met yours with a piercing effect that weakened your knees and your resolve all at once. His whole stance was rigid and fierce. He was a terrifying god at that moment, about to exact revenge against the person who dared betray him. It was in this moment you finally felt the tears fall. 

You couldn't bare to have him hate you, no matter how much you hurt him. 

So there the both of you stood, the only sound filling the room was your hysterical sobs. The tension was so high you felt a headache coming on as you awaited his judgement, all his words of hatred, everything you deserve d. 

Instead of any words, you felt his arms pull you into him. You clung to him tightly as your tears were sure to stain his shirt, your face buried in his chest. He just held you there. Without words or movement, he just held you as you sobbed without any intention of letting go even for the slightest moment. 

You didn't deserve this kindness, but he still gave it freely. Thomas loved you despite of your evident betrayal and it just caused more of that cold ache to spread throughout your chest once more. You didn't deserve to be held. But he wasn't going to let you go, not the way you deserved for him to. 

Despite the horrible guilt that filled you, somehow the tears subsided. As the stopped flowing, Tom released you just enough to be able to look into your face. There was nothing but kindness in those eyes as his nimble fingers brushed the remaining tears away. 

"What would you have me do, darling?" He asked softly. 

"Anything", you hiccuped embarrassingly. "I... just can't stand... the thought of Jackson... being killed because... because of me".

Tom took a breath and finally released your gaze to search for an answer. He took a step backwards and began his usual pacing that he does when he is deep in thought. Your fingers twisted ruefully in the fabric of your skirt, desperately awaiting his answer. 

After a few minutes, he paused his pacing. There was something in his gaze that was somewhat resigned, almost painfully so, like he was giving up something he had no desire to. The ache inside of you only grew more painful at that look.

"May I ask you a question?" He softly inquired.

You only nodded, curious what he would ask. 

"If you had the choice", he paused as if searching for the right words. "If you had to make a decision, would you prefer to go to the north and escape with Jackson, or stay here in Charleston". He paused again. "With me".

Shock coursed through you, causing your finger to still. "You would still... want me here?" You ask in a whisper. 

"Of course".

The only thing that you could think to say was, "Why?"

Tom looked at you softly. "Darling, I do not blame you for loving another man. You were not given a choice to become engaged to me and we have barely known each other for a month's time. How could I expect all your previous connections to be cut off?" His every tone spoke understanding, even if it was a sad one. He came close to you once more, cupping your face in his hands to stare deeply in your eyes. "I do not hate you, (Y/N). I could never. But I need to know if you want this, whatever we have here, or if you'd rather go north given the chance. Because I'm giving you a choice for the first time in your life. 

"I..." You couldn't quite think of words. "I'm not... sure, Tom. About... About any of... any of this. I just..." you paused, this time not from hiccups. Confusion filled your head. What if just this once you had a choice? What in the world would you choose? "I think I need... Just a little time to... think this through". 

Tom just nodded. His eyes just barely glanced down at your lips, giving off the feeling that he was about to kiss you, but he stopped himself. Instead he lightly kissed your forehead before resuming his pacing. 

The next 10 minutes were spent in perfect silence as he paced, developing plan after plan. You watched as he fought and argued with himself, amazed at the cleverness of each idea that occurred to that brain of his. Tom was a schemer and a planner. If anyone could get away with this, it was him. 

Finally, he turned to you, excitement in his features. He finally figured it out.

"I think it's about time we told Charleston about the engagement in the form of a ball". 


	12. Party Preparations

Within a week, the party was set in place. All of Charleston was coming to see the most popular engagement of the century, two of the richest plantation owners in the state joining their fortunes for a spectacular event; An American version of the royal weddings held in England.

                The plan was just as complex and terrifying as the event itself, a masquerade ball that would be almost like a fairy tale with darker intentions hiding underneath the luscious decorations. No one would see if coming, especially from two lively and well respected young people of Charleston.

                 By planning this party, which would take at least a month or more of time before it could occur, it accomplished two goals: the first, that it would take the attention away from Jackson as a runaway slave, and the second, to delay the wedding for a little while. Wh ich you highly appreciated. It seemed the engagement party would end up being more spectacular than the wedding itself, but that was entirely the plan.

                The people of Charleston were in a complete uproar as orders were sent to every respectable shop owner. Dresses and costumes of all sorts were coming in from all around the country and across the seas. The fanciest cake makers from Germany and Austria were called upon to make the most delicious foods ever seen. Even ice sculptors from China were brought in.

                And despite all the excitement, none of it touched you heart. You were frozen cold inwardly. Each day just brought you closer to having to choose between the two most important people of your life. The battle raged incessantly without any hope of peace. Not even in your sleep could you escape the war.

                Each dream held Tom and Jackson holding their hands out to you, begging you to take one of theirs, begging you to choose which will die and which will live. And if you didn’t choose quickly enough, they would both die before your eyes. Sometimes their killers were slave traders and owners like your father. Other times it was your own face that smiled viciously as you hung your lovers.

                The time you spent with Tom helped though. He had a way of shutting the civil war down just by spending time with you. Most of your time was chaperoned by someone or another, but even then, it didn’t change anything. His smile was no less brilliant, his words no less kind. He just went on like nothing had happened.

                People, relatives and long time family friends, came pouring into the city as news of the wedding and the engagement went out. Family had come from the North, those on your mother’s side, and your fathe r’s brother’s family came from South Dakota. You weren’t entirely fond of your uncle’s family, but it was wonderful to see your family from the north. They had warmth that made the house you were living in feel less like a cage.

                 Even now as you tried to escape the chaos going on inside your home, you could hear the footsteps of your cousins running after you. And for once, you couldn’t say that you minded.

                “Cousin (Y/N)!” The eldest, Milly, called out. You turned to look at her walking towards you. “May we join you?” She asked as they closed the distance.  She was around 15, nearing courting age, and she was already blooming into a wonderful young woman. By her side was her younger brothers, Phillip and Jace, the twins, who look mischievously at each other as they plotted whatever adventure they were about to go on. At 13, it was hardly expected of them to think of much else. But you loved them nonetheless.

                “Of course you may”, you answered with a smile. Moving your parasol to hold in one hand, you held out your free hand to Milly. She took it with a shy smile.

                “Aunty wanted us out from under foot”, Milly explained. “The twins were causing trouble in the linens again”. You glanced over at the clearly not caring faces of the boys, who just shrugged. “I don’t think Aunty is used to having little boys around. They get into everything back home and mama never gets upset with them”.

                You laugh softly at this. “Boys definitely take some getting used to, Milly. But I’m sure we could find something interesting for the twins to do in this fall weather. It is much too nice outside to spend all your time cooped up in a warm house”. With a glance towards the boys, who clearly looked like they could use a good chase, you stopped as if you had a sudden idea. “Jace! Phillip! There is something I could really use the both of your help on!” Their faces lit up with anticipation as the eagerly awaited your idea. “There is a creek around the bend of the forest over that way”, you pointed to the general direction. “There is a particular flower that grows on the sides of it. I have a prize for the first one who can bring me back one of those flowers if you are interested”.

                Without another word, the boys went sprinting off to the woods, jostling each other the whole way. You smiled at the happy excitement they both were bursting with.

                Milly stared wistfully after them. “I long for the days when I’d be able to join them”, she looked down at the yards of petticoats that kept her from running the way she desired. “There are very few things that are as enjoyable as a good sprint through green fields”.

                Setting down your parasol on the gravel sidewalk, you winked at Milly. “Now whoever said there was an age where that needed to stop?”

                And with that, you ran after the boys, quickly joined by Milly, giggling the whole way there.

               

                The cool water of the creek was pleasant against the bare skin of your feet. The boy were off exploring and finding all the interesting bugs that were not to be found in the north while you and Milly rested by the edge of the creek with your feet in the water. For once, you just felt free once again.

                “Cousin”, Milly began, interrupting the silence. “May I ask you a question?”

                “You needn’t ask, Milly. You already know you can ask any question you wish in my presence”, you answered softly.

                Milly paused for a moment, as if debating her words. “I was wondering”, she paused. “I was wondering if you like Mr. Hiddleston. I know the engagement was arranged, and I just suppose I wanted to know if you could still love a man that you barely knew”.

                Suddenly, your toes splashing in the water were more interesting than anything else to your eyes. You swallowed hard as you thought of your feelings for Tom. But Milly needed this answer, no matter how hard it was for you to answer.

                “At first, I despised the man. I knew nothing about him, nor did I feel something for him. I felt as if my freedom was stolen from me because I was married off without any choice. But then I spent time with the man and I realized that I was incredibly lucky to be matched with someone so kind, so affectionate, and I found myself falling for him. I have only known him for a month or so, cousin, and I find myself very much in love with him”. You looked up at Milly, taking her dainty hand in yours. “When your time comes, I doubt your father will match you with a man unworthy of you. Your father is more understanding than mine in this issue, but I dearly wish you every happiness in the world”.

                The solitude of the moment was ruined as a loud crash resounded throughout the woods. You and Milly stood quickly as the three figures came into view. The twins were attached to a taller figure that seemed to be drenched in water. They appeared to be trying to wrestle whoever the person was to the ground, but they were failing as the person just laughed and peeled them off jovially.

                Underneath the twins was Tom, standing there in his probably ruined clothes, but smiling brilliantly. You found your heart fluttering at the sight of water dripping down him, his ginger blonde hair taking on a dark red color. He was beautiful, even when he was a complete mess.

                “Boys! What on earth are you doing?! Get off of Mr. Hiddleston this instant!” You cried out, trying to get their attention.

                The twins instantly let go of Tom, looking guilty for whatever reason.

                “It’s really alright, darling. Boys will be boys, will they not?” Tom responded with a laugh. He rubbed the top of Philips head, messing his hair. The three looked like a sight, all muddied and soaked to the bone.

                You put both your hands on your hips. “Don’t encourage them, Thomas!” You answer with a smile. “Now twin s, why in the world would you jump my betrothed?”

                They just looked down and away, avoiding your gaze. Tom just laughed and started to walk towards you, water dripping the whole way.

                “Oh no you don’t Thomas!! You will not touch me that soaking wet!” You exclaimed as your expertly tried to avoid him. He just kept advancing with a mischievous smile and wink towards the twins. You squealed as he lunged for you, just barely miss your pretty white skirts. Picking up your skirts, your skirts, you began running away from the creek as quickly as possible. You glanced behind you to see Tom disappear into the trees. This wasn’t going to turn out well.

                Running as quickly as you possibly could, you just about made it to the field that was visible from the gardens. You were giggling as you saw that you were home free.

                Until you felt two strong arms come around your waist.

                Many squeals escaped your lips as you felt yourself being dragged back to the creek. The backs of your skirts were getting soaked as they pressed against the sopping wet front of Tom. He laughed in your ear as he picked you up bridal style and walked all the way to the creek, no matter how much you fought.

                And after coming out to the middle of the knee deep creek, he unceremoniously dropped you bottom first into the water.

                You sputtered pathetically as the water seeped into your clothing, making it heavier than usual. You could hear a chorus of laughing from your cousins and Tom. And try as you might, you found yourself laughing as well. It was rather comical, despite the state you were now in.

                 Tom caught his breath enough to reach a helping hand down to where you sat in the water. His eyes sparkled with amusement that made you feel like you could never be mad at him. But it was your turn to exact revenge.

                Taking his hand, you used all your weight to pull him down in the water with you. Caught off balance, Tom plopped down in the water right besides you. Now everyone was laughing uncontrollably once more as you watched Tom sputter and react to the surprise.

                Once he got his bearings, he looked over at you and stuck his tongue out childishly, causing you to laugh even harder.

 

                Two hours and many laughs later, the 5 of you were sitting by the creek, letting the sun dry you and bring warmth to your chilled bones. Milly was the only fortunate one to stay somewhat composed, but it was one of thos e days that would stick with you forever.

                But try as you might, the past wouldn’t be held down. A different memory entered you mind on those banks. From a time when you were Milly’s age.

                _“Why are you mad at me, Jackson?” You yelled at him as he continued to walk away, ignoring you. “What did I do that was so horrible that you must ignore me now?”_

_With a sharp turn, Jackson finally turned to meet you head on, nearly making you collide with his chest. You blushed furiously at accidentally being that close to him._

_“Because that stupid boy thinks he’s good enough to marry you! And you enjoyed all of his worthless attention!” Jackson yelled back. It was rare to see him that furious, but you weren’t afraid of him._

_“It’s not as if I have a choice!” You huffed. “Do you really think I’d want to marry such a pompous fool of a man? My father made me and you know it!”_

_Jackson looked away, breathing like he had just ran a mile. “Well, maybe it’s time you stood up to your father because you seemed perfectly happy to comply”, he accused quietly._

_“How dare you!”You say furiously. You shove him in the chest once in your anger. “I never wanted that boy here nor did I want to be subjected to his attentions!” You shoved him again. “If I had a choice in the stupid matter, I’d never have another stupid suitor!! Instead I’d be able to choose y…”You stopped suddenly, feeling the urge to run far away._

_Jackson’s eyes opened wide in surprise. That was definitely not what he expected. Unable to handle his reaction, you ran. And ran and ran and ran. You could hear him calling after you, running behind you, but you just kept running._

_Through the cotton fields you ran, through the woods, to the one place that you knew of where you’d feel safe. The place no one knew about, not even Jackson._

_In a small cove of the woods was a thicket, nearly impossible to maneuver through, and on the other side was a very small cabin. It looked like it had been there from the times of the settlers as they had discovered the area. It was invisible unless you knew exactly where to look. And it was your escape._

_You ran through the door, finally stopping in the middle of the cabin floors, fell to your knees, and cried. Such a love was so forbidden and it would only cause you explicit pain. But you could not get rid of the feelings no matter what you did._

_After what seemed like only minutes, you felt two strong arms come around you and you knew Jackson had found you. He just held you as you sobbed. You were just children, yet there was such pain to be experienced in forbidden love._

_As you calmed, you finally looked up at him. His kind face had its own tears, but they were for a different reason. He seemed overjoyed._

_“Why in the world are you smiling, Jackson?” You ask in an incredulous whisper._

_He chuckled softly, kissing your forehead hesitantly. The feeling of his lips against your skin sent shivers down your spine and made your stomach do cartwheels._

_“Angel, I love you. And I’ve been waiting to tell you that for a while now”, he whispered gruffly._

_You were shocked. He couldn’t love you too! Not the sturdy, emotionless, strong Jackson! But all it took was one look in his eyes and you knew it was true. You were so in shock you didn’t notice the stone look come over his eyes again._

_“I’m sorry”, he said all of the sudden. “I shouldn’t ha…”_

_He was interrupted as you bravely met your lips with his. It was reckless and a death sentence to kiss him, but you weren’t one to care. You just loved Jackson and he loved you. No matter what happened, that fact would stay with you._

“Penny for your thoughts, Darling?” The much different voice of Tom asked, breaking you out of your memory.

                You looked over at his face, taking in the glowing appearance that happened every time the sun hit his skin. “I was just remembering somethings, Tom. That’s all”, you answer with a half hearted smile.

                He clearly didn’t believe that sad smile of yours. “You can tell me whatever it is if you’d like”. He brought a hand up to brush a strand of hair out of your face. “I’m sure I could guess what might bring on that sad smile, but I give you my word that the plan is going to work”.

                You looked over at your cousins in alarm, only to find that they had wandered off far enough away that you could just barely see them. It was finally safe to talk abou t it.

                “There are just a few details I’m not sure about, Tom”, you say softly, looking him in his brilliant blue eyes. “Like who will take our place at the party? Or how we will get Jackson on a boat that won’t be inspected? It would be much worse for him to be caught on the journey”, you hurriedly explain.

                He nodded, though a slight hardened look came to his eyes as you mentioned Jackson. “Concerning the boat, the night of the party, a small boat from the north will be in the harbor, dropping off a few tourists. The owner of the vessel is actually a part of the Underground Railroad and I have communicated to him about our new passenger. As to who will take our place, I was thinking that William and A’zariah would be the perfect fit”, he explained with a smile.

                Just as you were to ask how it would be possible t o hide the true identities of their servants, he anticipated your question. “The costumes I have prepared are two swans. The masks cover every inch of the head and neck. They will be wearing gloves to hide their skin. They are the perfect height and build to play us. The only concern is if they have to do much talking, which shouldn’t be a concern until the end of the night, when we shall take their place”.

                “But”, you interrupt. “A’zariah cannot waltz. It will be expected of us to spend a lot of time dancing at the ball”.

                Tom smiled again, somewhat mischievously. “Well, I suppose we’ll have to give them both some lessons, which I’m sure they’ll appreciate”.

                “What do you mean?” You ask quizzically. Clearly you were missing something he saw clearly.

                "In the duration of your stay at my plantation, William and A’zariah became very close confidants. I watched them on occasion look like two blushing fools. It is clear they have the air of a couple when together. All it would take is some small lessons and a costume and they could play the part perfectly”.

                You were shocked. “How could I have missed that? Azariah is in love?! How wonderful for her!” You exclaimed excitedly.

                Tom laughed quietly. “In your defense, darling, you were severely sick for most of you stay”, he defended jovially.

                You laughed a little yourself. A comfortable silence fell between the two of you. You couldn’t imagine never having these kind of moments again with Thomas. But choosing between him and Jackson was like choosing between two sides of yourself. It just wasn’t possible.              

                Tom cleared his throat, bringing your mind back to him. “I do have one question for you. Are you sure you know where Jackson will be? Because if he isn’t there, the whole plan will fall apart”.

                “I know exactly where he will be”, you answer, thinking back to the cabin. “It’s our safe place. And he wouldn’t leave unless he was discovered, which is highly improbable”.

                Your cousins started to head back towards you and Tom. You could hear their voices grow louder as the neared closer. Tom gave you one more glance and whispered under his breath.

                “Let’s hope you are right, darling”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone!! This new installment is basically a sort of calm before the storm. There will be a little bit difference story wise, mostly in my writing style, so I hope no one minds. There will be a lot of secondary characters coming up, which I'm excited about considering very few fanfiction writers put much importance in secondary characters. But here goes :D
> 
> This chapter is more of a filler, but I wanted some of these characters here. That and to just jump straight into the middle without any build up would be kind of stupid. So sorry if you were looking for some extreme action in this chapter.
> 
> In the next few chapters, there is going to be a couple Loki references. Look for them closely and try to figure out their purpose, because each reference is purposeful for many reasons.
> 
> On the big choice, feel free to speculate in the comments on what you think will happen. There's some craziness but this is no where near the end of the story. That's a promise. Any feedback is appreciated as you guys well know by now. There are very few things I love more than feedback, thus why I write fanfiction!!!
> 
> Hope you guys are enjoying this :D


	13. Nightmare

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Just wanted to throw out this quick chapter! Its the next one that's going to be full of the real action! Thank you so much for keeping up with this story. The best is truly yet to come, or at least I hope! My biggest request is that you guys will keep the feedback coming!! I absolutely love having any and all feedback possible!

_Dancing. Spinning. Laughing. Repeat_

_The ball was in full swing around you and there was not one detail missing. The crowds came pouring into Tom’s home and it was bursting at the seams with party guests. Each costume was more complex than the next. It was clear that no expense was spared in the guests or the décor._

_You were dressed in as a grey wolf, a beautiful mask made with real animal fur covered your neck and head, completely hiding your true identity. And you were dancing with people you could not know as anything more than the peacock, the court jester, or the lion. This was a night for lies and mischief._

_As you spun and twirled and bowed to each partner, a rather ominous figure made his way to you. Covering only the top half of his face was a mask so life like it took away your breath; the head of a Cobra stared down at you with emerald green eyes. A thin smirk played on the man’s lips as you accepted his offered hand._

_The music changed, turning darker and more anxious. You stood opposite of each other and all other partners chose that moment to watch you and your partner dance. There was something elegant and eerie in the way he moved, almost never fully touching the ground, but you found yourself following his every move like a mirror. Those eyes held yours hypnotically._

_Slowly the music began to crescendo and you were spinning around the room as if you had been trained to dance in London’s finest ballet organization. All the while, you moved along with your partner. To the outside observer, it may have seemed like frenzied movement, but every step felt choreographed, despite you never learning it before._

_Somehow, he was holding you suddenly, It was an intimate hold for a stranger, yet you felt nothing but terror._

_“I know of your plans”, a silky voice whispered in your ear softly._

_Your heart rate skyrocketed as you searched the faceless crowd for Tom. When you couldn’t find him, something inside you froze in terror. You were shaking furiously in this stranger’s arms._

_“Shhhh…”,he soothed, not remotely bringing any comfort. “There’s no reason to fear”. He released you just enough to look into your eyes. “See? Your fiancé is right here”, he said with a gesture behind him._

_There stood Tom, surrounded by masked men, all holding him down on his eyes. Terror was clearly on his features as he tried to fight against them._

_“Tom!” You cried out, trying to run to him, but the stranger’s grip held you like iron vise. You clawed and twisted, but there was no getting to him._

_You heard a low chuckle, just barely muffled through the mask. “You really should have been more careful. Taking the main roads was not very smart. The slave catchers knew that tonight would be the planned night for your precious lover to escape, so they were watching the roads closely. They were unfortunately not expecting the town’s favorite business man smuggling a slave out of Charleston. They brought Mr. Hiddleston back here to be tried, after they beat the slave to death and left him lying on the side of the road”._

_Tears streamed down your face. You couldn’t do this, you couldn’t handle it. One of the gloved hands of the stranger came up to rip your mask off your face, revealing your true identity to the crowds. A shocked gasp came out in unison from all the onlookers._

_“Poor little (Y/N)”, he whispered once again. “Now you will have to watch the only lover you have left die before your eyes”,_

_With a glance to the side, he held you there in full view as the men holding Tom began to beat him and beat him. Blood poured from every wound as the relentlessly hit him._

_You screamed with each new hit, crying and struggling to get to Tom. He looked at you as the light went out behind those beautiful blue eyes with one last blow to the face and you screamed as you lost the last thing you had left in the world._

With a strangled gasp, you sat up right in your bed, waking from your sleep. Your heart pounded in your ears as you took in the familiar surroundings of your bedroom, the horrors of your nightmare slipping away from your consciousness.

                Was this an omen of what was coming? With the ball only two days away, you found yourself terrified that you would lose or both of the people you love in the attempt to save them. Only the future would tell, but if your dreams were any sign, nothing was going to end well.


	14. Disguises and Tricks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this has taken so long guys! The decision is happening this chapter, so I hope you all enjoy this outcome. Also, beware the smut if you aren't interested. 
> 
> As always, feedback to much appreciated!

Clouds covered the moon's light as you traveled in your father’s best carriage to your own engagement party. It seemed fitting to you that the weather would match the terror coursing through your body. You soothed nonexistent wrinkles in your costume as the carriage drove on. 

The costume Tom picked out was truly beautiful, transforming you into a beautiful swan, straight out of a fairytale. It covered you completely, leaving no skin revealed. It was also designed to be slipped out of quickly when you needed to make the switch into trousers. 

Your dream stayed at the forefront of your mind no matter how you tried to distract yourself. Perhaps it was a warning of some sort. Or maybe it was just your fear and worry that severely damaged your rest for the night. You worried over every little details until your head pounded in protest against thinking, making you wish that for just a moment, you could control the thoughts running rampant. Your body was just as desperate to follow those thoughts around, surging with anxious energy. 

Your mother was off on a spiel about how the whole city of Charleston was talking about this night. You had long since tuned her out. As annoying as it usually was, there was something soothing about the lack of silence. It took away all the time you would have spent in silent panic attacks. 

The carriage pulled to a stop, arriving partially late as the guest of honor. Music and laughter could be heard exploding from the brightly lit house, filling you with warmth as you recognized your surroundings. It was like coming home after a long day and even with all the stress coursing through you, you felt a little better. 

William stood at the door in a simple tuxedo as he ushered many guests in with an emotionless face. He sent you a wink as he opened the doors for you to enter. You sent him a smile he couldn’t quite see through the mask, just wishing you could hug him for his bravery, all for Jackson.

The once muted sounds quickly became overwhelming as the music and conversation exploded to a symphony of a party. Bits and pieces of conversations could be heard, wafting over you like a wave. You entered alongside your father and mother, keeping your head straight to face all the night held. 

Apparently, William had signaled the music to change as you entered the room. Dancing paused and conversation dwindled as you entered the ballroom. All faces turned towards you. There were so many faces, jesters and lions, ostriches and bears, and many more. You searched for your Tom among the surging crowd, but kept getting lost in the beauty of it all. Many nodded as you passed by, greeting your parents more than they were greeting you. It all escaped your notice.

Finally, the crowd parted to reveal a tall man in an elegant Swan mask. It was all you could do not to run into Tom’s arms and feel the protection those arms offered. He looked absolutely incredible as he moved with grace and dignity, shaping the party with his own confidence. A glass of champagne was held in his hand, lifted just above his head as if about to make a toast. 

“Welcome one and all to my home!” Tom’s beautiful voice rang out to everyone. “It dearly warms my heart to see so many wonderful costumes and interesting company on a night that means the world to me. In a week or so, I will be marrying the lovely Miss (Y/L/N). This night is in celebration of the upcoming nuptials, so thank you for joining us both tonight! Eat, Drink, and be merry without hesitation, for we may not know what tomorrow holds!” 

There were scattered bits of “here, here” and laughter among the guests, before the music started up once more. Tom walked over to your side, bowing with an outstretched hand to join him in dance. You curtseyed slowly before accepting his hand and being led to the dance floor.

Together, you waltzed across the floor, all eyes on you. But in your eyes, it was just you and Tom. His hands on you made you hungry for more. A small voice in the back of your mind reminded you of the actual purpose of this night, but a much larger part wished that there was no alternative purpose. That you and Tom would truly be having an engagement party.

He pulled you closer to him than most would have thought appropriate, but you didn’t mind. His feet moved in sync with yours, his breathing even and controlled as he unknowingly shut every worry out of your mind. It was a moment to get lost in. 

“Everything is set in place, darling”, he whispered just under his breath, making sure it would reach no one else’s ears. “Meet A’zariah in your old room after we finish here. She knows everything else”, he explained. It broke you out of your spell much quicker than you would have preferred, but you fought your disappointment as you focused once more on the task at hand. 

The dance ended quickly and you separated from him with some reluctance. The great thing about a masquerade ball was that you didn’t have to socialize much because no one was themselves. You could slip away and no one would care, at least for a moment. 

Your feet found their way to your old bedroom quickly, escaping the notice of the guests as they were consumed with their drinking and dancing. A’zariah stood in your room, preparing herself in the basic corset and petticoats you were wearing underneath your costume, looking stunning even without a fancy dress, her dark skin glowing in the candlelight.

“Here, miss”, she said as she began undoing all of the knots holding your dress together. You slipped off your mask and set it to the side along with your gloves and wig. The dress came off much quicker than you thought it would and soon you were helping knot it to her figure.

“Thank you, A’zariah”, you whispered as you tightened the last knot. Now the only thing that was visible were her hands and her head. She smiled brilliantly at you, no fear hiding in her expression.

“No need to thank me, miss. I would love a chance to dance out there among all those fancy people”, she reassured in a laughing tone. Before placing the mask on, she gave you a slight kiss on the cheek. 

“Don’t worry. Mr. Thomas knows what he’s doing. You and Jackson will be in good hands”, she whispered before practically sprinting out the door way. Your heart dropped in your stomach as you realized your decision was moments away. And everyone was expecting you to choose Jackson. 

You shook your head desperately. The first goal was to get Jackson to the boat and your decision could be made once you got there, not causing you to pause and war when time was crucial. 

You worked yourself out of your petticoats and corset, allowing you to breathe freely for the first time all night. Under your bed was a pair of men's trousers and a thick coat to hide your curves from prying eyes. Tom had the pants altered so they wouldn’t look too loose around your legs and make you appear as a young boy perhaps if anyone caught the two of you. Finally, you tucked your hair into a hat to finish off the disguise. 

You walked out of your room as quietly as possible, heading towards the closed off side entrance to the stables. It was the furthest area from any guests and was a perfect escape from the house. Your feet were soundless against the floors as you half ran out the door to the unlit stables. The shadows seemed to follow you, playing with your paranoia just enough to send you sprinting through the stable doors.

The sound of animals met your ears as the horses rested for the night, giving an eerie sense of movement to the darkness. You shivered involuntarily as you tried to catch your breath and listen for footsteps. A snort from a horse sent you jumping. Tom needed to get there quickly for the sake your sanity. 

“Darling”, you heard a gruff whisper interrupt the silence. A shadow in the doorway, silhouetted by moonlight called for you and in a moment you knew it was your Tom. You ran into his arms, holding him close for a moment. He held just as tightly to you before somewhat regretfully slipping away from your grasp. “We have to be headed out. We will take two of the horses along with us to make our way quickly. The main roads should be empty with the party…”

“Not the main roads”, you hurriedly whispered. “You don’t know who could still be out there. We need to stick to trails and the woods”. And you truly believed that. The dream had come to you for a reason and you weren’t about to ignore a decent warning. 

He just seemed to cock his head at you for a second. “We don’t really have time to argue, darling, so we will do this your way. I just wish you would trust me more”, he gave in gruffly. 

Together you mounted horses and made your way into the darkness, Tom following close behind you as you took him to your cabin. 

 

It was sometime before you arrived at the decrepit cabin, but you managed to avoid seeing anyone on the way there. You knew the pathways like the back of your hand, even despite it being a dark, ominous night.  Tom followed behind you without making a sound. 

Your mind reeled as you considered both choices over and over until it your thoughts ran in circles to just keep torturing you. There was no right or wrong and it left you with having to choose what you wanted most. But you wanted them both in completely different ways. There was no solution for you and it caused tears to come to your eyes to think of leaving either of them. 

You pulled on the reigns to come to a stop, before dismounting at the front of the cabin. It was just as you remembered in and you knew Jackson was inside somewhere. You ventured inside of the front door, cringing at the sound of the floor creaking under your weight.

“Jackson?” You called out. Nothing responded instantly. “Jackson it’s me, (Y/F/N). I’m here to get you out of Charleston tonight. But we have to go now”. 

From the shadows emerged the familiar strong shoulders and long body of your first love. He moved quickly into your arms, holding you tight against him as if you were the first person he had seen in centuries. You breathed in his familiar scent and allowed yourself to enjoy the feel of him holding you. 

“I almost thought you’d never come, angel”, he whispered softly. 

You pulled away just enough to look into those haunted eyes of his. “I will always save you, Jackson. No matter what happens”. 

He didn’t hesitate to kiss you, yet it made you feel odd as you felt Tom’s eyes on the both of you. You couldn’t get lost in the kiss when half of you was rebelling against it and it was agonizing to have yourself split into separate pieces. 

A soft cough interrupted the kiss, bringing you both back to earth. Tom was still on his horse, but his face gave away the pain he was feeling. Jackson became instantly possessive as he saw your fiance there for the first time.

“Don’t”, you stopped him. He looked at you questioningly. “Thomas is part of the underground railroad. He’s helping me to get you out of here”. He was about to argue with you so you interrupted his protests. “And I trust him, Jackson. So please trust my judgement”. 

Jackson left out a sigh before nodding at Tom in a mutual understanding. It was clear they would never be friends, but for the time being, they wouldn’t kill each other.

“We need to head out”, Tom announced gruffly. Jackson mounted your horse and offered a hand down to pull you up alongside of him. You looked over at Tom to see him turn away from you, clearly expecting you to take Jackson’s hand. Not that he gave you much choice. You sighed deeply and seated yourself behind Jackson’s hard body. He was sturdy in every way you knew, but it didn’t comfort you the way it once had.

Jackson followed Tom along smoothly, taking the trails slowly and quietly. You were racing against time to get to the boat before it left without Jackson, but never had it been so vital to be careful. If caught, all three of you could be expected to be hung or shot. 

At the edge of the town, everyone dismounted from the horses and let them run home safely. There was no way to sneak around on a horse in the city. Keep to the shadows in town and don’t get noticed was the way you had to do it. Jackson held your hand tightly, searching the shadows warily. Tom didn’t look your way much, but whenever you caught a glimpse, there was such pain hidden in his expression. 

“Shh..!” Tom hushed as lights came into view off the main strip. The three of you hid behind some crates as the group passed by. You were pressed up against the both of them in attempt to be as small as possible, but it your body was equally as confused as your mind felt towards the whole situation. You tried to control your breathing while you listened for fading footsteps.

“... You hear ‘bout that party tonight at the Hiddleston plantation?” A rough voice asked in the dark.

“Who hasn’t”, another voice responded. “Just another rich man showing off his gold to the neighbors. Probably better we are stuck out here patrolling”.

“Yeah, Fenton’s real suspicious of that Hiddleston guy. It just feels to convenient with a slave running around, at leas’ that’s what he said”. 

The other voice just chuckled. “Hiddleston’s nothing but another rich kid. Fenton is barking up all the wrong trees lately. So we get stuck out here in the middle of the night instead of enjoying some drink like the rest of charleston”, he complained distantly.

Slowly their voices began to drift away as the light from their lanterns disappeared. It felt like you could breathe again, letting out a rush of air suddenly. 

“Good choice, darling”, Tom whispered just barely. “We would have been caught if it wasn’t for you”.

You tried not to think back to your dream, just thankful to whatever that gave you the ability to know the main roads were dangerous. It was only a few more streets away from the docks and they were about to be home free. Jackson still held her hand as the sprinted quietly around the dead streets of Charleston, looking out for any other patrols. Tom led them all the way there without a single stop or hitch and it finally looked like everything was going to turn out well.

They finally arrived at the boat as it was about to undock. Tom caught the captain’s attention and went to talk to him privately. Jackson turned to you desperately. 

“You are coming with me, right Angel? I don’t want to leave unless you come with me”, he desperately inquired. You could barely look him in the eye, but something was decided inside of you as it had been from the beginning. You just hadn’t quite realized it until that moment. 

You found the bravery to look up at him and smile. “Jackson, you are my first love. The first man who has ever truly worked to get to know me. You are a better man than I could ever deserve”. You stroked the side of his face gently. He waited with baited breath. 

You glanced over at Tom as he worked with the captain to ensure the safety of this man he had never met until an hour ago. “I used to dream of this moment, of running off into God knows where with you. Of leaving everything we know for freedom”. You turned back to him as the tears welled. Your heart was heavy, like you were ripping in half, but for the first time, you knew it was going to be ok. 

“But I can’t leave with you, Jackson”, you whispered. He looked like you had just slapped him with the worst possible news. “It’s not about loving Tom more than you. I can make a difference for others and change the world now. I could never truly do anything about the horrors of slavery before. You deserve someone who doesn’t feel like they have to fix this messed up world, Jackson”, you explained. He looked stone cold, but you could see the hurt welling up inside of him.

You kissed him softly before releasing him. “Have a wonderful life, Jackson. Be free the way you’ve always deserved to be”.

Without another word, he stepped away from you and got on the boat to begin the rest of his life. He looked over his shoulder before heading under the deck, catching your eyes one last time. Tears streamed down your face as part of your heart broke and went along with him. 

“(Y/F/N)!” The beautiful voice of Tom called to you. “You can go too. I’ve set it up so you can spend your life with Jackson in the free world of the frontier. Why aren’t you joining him?” He called from the plank connecting the boat to the dock. 

“I’ve made my choice, Thomas”, you answered. You watched as he paused and took in what you said. It was like he couldn’t believe that you had chose him after all and was shocked. You just smiled at him, waiting for it to hit him.

In a quick movement, he launched himself over the plank and ran to your side before kissing you with more emotion, more passion than you ever had been kissed with before. You just kissed him back as enthusiastically, feeling your body respond in a cacophony of happiness and sadness.

He only stopped kissing you to catch his breath as he stared down at you with bliss. Then he kissed you slower this time, savoring the feeling. You just laughed into his lips and enjoyed the kiss thoroughly, like the sun bursting through the clouds.

He just kept kissing you, forgetting for a few moments where they were and in what danger you were in. Finally you interrupted his kisses, “Tom! We need to go before they discover we are here!” His face should have become more serious, but it just stayed as thrilled as it was before. He led you back through the alleys and street ways to hide in a thicket, completely out of view and hearing range. 

He turned towards you and began kissing you just as fervently, just with a little more urgency. His tongue battled with yours for dominance as you tangled your fingers into his thick hair, pulling yourself close to him. His large hands gripped your every curve in an attempt to make the two of you one person. And it felt right. Every part of it.

He let go of you just long enough to lay you down on a bed of moss before returning his lips to yours. It was dirty and uncomfortable, but the feeling of Tom above you was more than enough to make you not care. He worked at the buttons of your coarse shirt, giving attention to the curve of your neck with his lips, suckling ever so softly. Your hands gripped his own clothing, wishing it gone with everything you had. 

He finally got the shirt unbuttoned and off, flinging it to the side with a roughness that truly didn’t care whether or not the shirt was in shreds. His face was in awe at your bountiful breasts. He stared at them openly before touching them reverently, like a prayer and your body reacted instantly. He massaged them and worked your nipples to strong peaks before setting his mouth on one nipple. 

You moaned softly as heat began to build in your stomach. Everything had been so rushed before that they never truly got to take time with each other. His hands attentively worked at unbuttoning his own shirt while staying latched onto your breast. When he finally had his own shirt off, he started to kiss his way down your belly. 

You lifted your hips, desperate for release that only he could offer. Tom just chuckled softly before beginning to take the trousers of torturously slow. 

“You know darling”, he began, speaking against your skin. “As much as I do enjoy your figure in those dresses you wear, I can’t really say that I prefer you in them over these trousers”, he continued, all while inching them off your hips.

You whined a little at the wait. “And why is that, Tom?”

“Because I can’t quite touch you through layers of petticoats and bustles”, he explained, before ripping your trousers completely off, leaving you completely bare to him. His long fingers instantly went to your wet core, which was throbbing and aching for him. He dipped those fingers inside of you without much wait or torture, setting a harsh speed for your body to adjust to. 

Within seconds you were coming undone, moaning loudly for all of nature to hear. He didn’t even have to do much. He just demanded your release with his body and wasn’t going to be satisfied without it. 

Your body tensed immediately and his fingers just continued to pound inside of you without hesitance, even as your body spasmed around him with the ferocity of a hurricane. Maybe he was claiming his territory. It was more likely he just wanted to show you all the benefits to choosing him.

You came down from the heavens breathing like you had just run a marathon. Tom brought his lips to yours once again and kissed you softly, with a sort of finality. You felt him adjust himself above you and suddenly you felt something probing at your entrance like a cry for a home. You opened your eyes to search his and there you saw the unspoken question, the please he couldn’t vocalize. 

You wrapped your legs around his waist in answer to that question.Without another moment of hesitancy, he began entering you slowly. You felt breathless as the twinge of pain grew as he entered you deeper. You gave him plenty of lubrication, but nothing prepared you for his size. 

It took another moment or two, but it was finally over as you felt his hips against your own. He was panting above you, clearly holding himself back. You felt completely and totally full, stretched beyond your capacity, but it stopped being so painful quickly. You adjusted your hips under him as a sign for him to get going.

Tom breathed out loudly as he withdrew from you to plunge himself back in deeper. You let out a loud moan. He smirked at your reactions before continuing a slow and steady rhythm, hitting the deepest spots of you. It was everything you had imagined and more. You held his body close to yours to remove any space between the two of you. 

Your mouths found each other and kissed gently. It wasn’t fast and demanding. It was just the two of you in that moment without any regrets or worries even if it was just for a moment.

He sped up as he watched you get closer, the wet slap of skin getting lost somewhere in this thicket. He drove you over the edge as you moaned his name and clung to him, only to spill himself inside of you shortly after. 

You don’t know how long you stayed there with him, just holding each other and feeling this inexplicable love beyond what you had previously imagined. 


End file.
